Ask Fear The Walking Dead's Terrifying Pregnancy Advisor
You probably don't want to know how your baby's doing, but why not ask anyway?
A combination of the sudden shortage of supplies, strictly enforced curfews, and a surge of new undead have left me with few options for prenatal vitamins. Should I try to supplement my diet with other sources of folic acid and iron nutrients as they become available or should I more aggressively seek out legit prenatals?
Pregnant, huh? During a global pandemic. Yeah, that's rough. But you know what's going to be even worse? Your second pregnancy. Because you know the pain at any moment is less than what's coming. And even though you knew you were weaker the first time you gave birth and that baby came into your life, you're four times weaker the second time because you'd die for each kid twice over. They don't tell you that at the medical tent. Have you heard the heartbeat recently? Felt a kick this week? Are you sure your baby's even still alive? Good luck, you're gonna need it.
At my last ultrasound before we lost electricity, I found out my baby was a girl, but since the outbreak I've been struggling to find items to furnish a makeshift nursery in the abandoned grain silo we've occupied. I know it's fashionable to use gender-neutral colors, but I have my heart set on a pink bedding set, at least. Call me traditional! Do you know where there might still be some complete crib sheet sets that haven't been looted? I'm not even sure how many weeks I have left, but I know it's soon!
If you were counting before, you're still counting. Don't lie. It's a girl, huh? Picked any names? Do you even know if that thing you're naming still has a heartbeat? Have you even bothered to check? I lost one, you know. Between Nick and Alicia. One minute, that heartbeat was going pat-pat-pat-pat-pat, then it just stopped. She's probably about to turn right inside your belly at any moment and since she's got no teeth, she'll just gum her way out of your uterus. You'll need pink sheets, all right. Pink death sheets. To cover yourself in. But you won't, because you'll be turned, too.
I used to be a heavy drinker until I found out I was pregnant, but I read somewhere that a glass of wine is still all right once in a while. For now, I'm just nursing my drinks because I like the smell of alcohol. Can this hurt my baby?
You're not asking for the baby, you're asking for yourself. You want to be absolved of responsibility for what you've done, all the shit you know is going wrong. When's the last time you felt the baby turn around in your belly? That long? Liquor can't hurt the dead. That thing's probably already eating you up from the inside, its blind, cloudy eyes hoping to never see the sun. And even if it's not dead yet, do you have any idea what else could go wrong? Preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, birth defects, preterm labor, Zika Virus, blood clots, umbilical cord prolapse. Do you think you're not gonna get post-partum depression? Have you looked at the world around you? Drink up while you can, toss them back before the darkness comes and takes everything you love away. But do it in moderation, of course.