Which Of Fargo's Crooks Is Actually The Most Evil?
We're ranking the criminals of the latest episode from 'almost an angel' to 'YIKES.'
As the Fargo season progresses, the body count is rising, and the true villains are starting to reveal exactly how far they'll go to achieve their nefarious ends. But who's the awful-est? I've ranked them from least to most evil.
Is it fair to throw Gus in with the rest of these hardened (or, in the case of Don, hardbodied) criminals? Maybe not. But an accidental shooting is still something Gus could get prosecuted for. At the very least, it seems likely that this will finally get him fired from the police force, so assuming Molly survives -- which I do, since we didn't see any blood (I think she's probably wearing a bulletproof vest and is just knocked out, but we'll see) -- this can just be the event that finally makes Gus realize he's really not meant to be a cop and gives him the chance to do something he's better suited for. Maybe not the USPS, though; those people have to be pretty on-the-ball. But we could start him out as a guy who helps you find luggage carts at the airport?
Taking possession of a whole bunch of money that is obviously related to a crime is a crime. Hiring a mercenary to deal with your blackmailer is a crime, particularly since the guy you hire might then join forces with that blackmailer and come up with an even worse scheme that involves shooting up a residential street. And yet, I feel like Stavros has to be ranked pretty low on the list given that his specific punishment -- the various plagues on his business and, finally, the loss of his son -- are worse than what he did himself.
Speaking of punishments that kind of exceed the crime: this poor bastard! When a rich asshole like Stavros comes into your life, you kind of have no choice but to try to extort him to get the seed money for the Turkish bath you want to open; that's just science. But if the guy Stavros hired to find you actually finds you, then he's definitely smarter than you are, and very probably so smart that going along with his expanded blackmail plan is a Bad Idea. Maybe not one that warrants your getting set up for mass sniper shootings and shot up with like every bullet in the state of Minnesota, but then again, sometimes we bring heartache on ourselves.
4. Mr. Numbers & Mr. Wrench
Making a living as a hired assassin is probably not either of these guys living his best life. But: at least they are, as far as we've seen, only going after other criminals and mostly keeping their mayhem away from civilians. And if we're rooting for them to kill Lorne Malvo, then doesn't that probably mean that they're only in the middle of the evil pack? Also: RIP Mr. Numbers. I hope your criminal organization pairs Mr. Wrench with another hitman who's fluent in ASL.
3. All Those Dudes At The Beginning
Clearly, these bros are Bad News. When you're bossing around other villains doing your bidding, it's not because you've had a change of conscience about committing your own murders: it's because you've done enough murders not to have to get your hands dirty anymore (except with fish guts).
I know Lorne's not in the top slot but hear me out HEAR ME OUT I SAID. Lorne is one of the world's worst people for sure: he rejected the assignment from his own criminal organization to make his own fun; he started shooting up a street to distract cops from his actual purpose. (Plus all that other stuff he did in the season's first five episodes, like cold-bloodedly murdering a nice police chief with a baby on the way.) BUT I think that Lorne regards himself the same way Numbers and Wrench do -- that he's only fucking with people who invited such fucking into their lives with their own venal decisions. There's nothing personal in it for him, which is why he narrowly misses the top villain slot and must cede it to....
Fucking Lester! The worst thing about Lester isn't that, now that he knows the cops are closing in on him for his wife's murder, he's framed his brother AND HIS MIDDLE SCHOOL-AGED NEPHEW for it. It's that it's clear that, when the shit does start raining down on him, he's going to describe himself as a victim of circumstance, and actually believe it when he says it. Lorne Malvo is a obviously on the sociopath spectrum, but the meek little insurance salesman who can spend his day figuring out how to leave the hospital without alerting his police guard, retrieve the evidence of his crime, plant it at the home of a blood relative, and end up sitting back in his hospital bed looking like this?
This guy's somewhere on that spectrum too.