Clooney's Drunk And Not Grey, Carol's Sad But Not Dead, And Everyone's A Fetus On S01 Of ER

And other updated loglines from the first season.

  • Clooney's Drunk And Not Grey, Carol's Sad But Not Dead, UnREAL's Rachel Goldberg Is Teen-Pregnant, And Everyone Else Is A Fetus In The ER Pilot
  • Susan Is Fighting With/Boning Dr. Christian Shephard, Which Distracts Us From Doug And Carol's Intrusively Tinkly Love Theme
  • Rosemary Clooney's Singing, But It's Susan Who Has The Kayson Blues
  • The Braless Wonder Gets Hit-And-Run, Mall Marcie From 90210 Gives Carter The Clap, And Here We Go With Stupid Jen's Stupid Career In Stupid Milwaukee (No Offense, Milwaukee)
  • Robinette's Daughter Ate Cocaine; Enter Chloe
  • Div Is A Dik, Plus Your Semi-Regular Reminder That Haleh Is A Badass Who Is Not Trying To Hear Benton's Shit
  • Oh My God We Get It Jen And Mark Like To Fuck (Not That The Interminable "Ma Benton Needs To Go In A Home" Arc That Starts Here Is Much Of An Improvement)
  • Vondie Curtis-Hall Responds To The Troglodytic Writing Of His Trans Character By Jumping Off The Roof While Billy From Big Vehicularly Manslaughters Sheila Silver's Son
  • So Bob, Heretofore Written Like She's Been In A Nell Hole So Dark And Deep That She Doesn't Know The Difference Between Halloween and Thanksgiving, Saves The Day With Her Vascular-Surgeon Skillz? K
  • Div Loses It And Bails Chicago, So Carter Tries To Kiss Susan, And It Doesn't Go Much Better For Doug When He Tells Carol He Still Loves Her And Tag Pops Him In The Face
  • While Morganstern Listens To Schumann In The ER, Olivia Pope's Mom Reads Benton For Filth About Being The Favorite
  • Agent May Is Overmatched And Shocks Carter, Charlotte York's Niece Gets Bitten By A Hamster, And Doug Has A Son Whose Name He Doesn't Know
  • Before Their Showdown, Kayson And Susan Both Smoke Cigarettes, And Then He Has A Heart Attack; Enter Jeanie Boulet So That Benton Can Have A Heart Attack Of A Different Nature
  • Mark Didn't Side Strongly Enough With Susan, And Susan Is A Bitch About It; Mark Is Offered ER Attending, And Jen Is A Bitch About It
  • Boggs From Shawshank's Kid Shot His Other Kid, Donna Moss's Son Is Malnourished, Doug Decks An Abusive Dad, And Rachel Greene And Ma Benton Have The Same Birthday And Jackie And Jen Are Bitches About It/Them/Everything
  • Carol Is A Simp About Tatiana; Jen Interrupts A Revenge Of The Nerds Reunion With A Delusional Robert Carradine To Announce She's Leaving Mark, And Is A...Well, You Get The Idea
  • "Love's Labor Lost," Still As Brilliantly Tense As It Was On First Airing
  • Top Gun's Jester Takes Over As ER Chief, Al Boulet 1.0 From A Few Good Men Makes Things Awkward, And Adam Scott Gets One Line
  • Deb's Procedure Mania Leads To Her Quitting, Mark Still Has The Yips, And By The Time This Ma Benton Plot Finally Plays Out, I'll Be In A Fuckin' Home
  • Beadie Russell, Nun In Training, Might Be Pregnant, Benton Is A Bitch About Carter Maybe Wanting An ER Subinternship, And Clooney Beats Luke Perry In The Battle Of The Ill-Advised Little-League Coaching Outfits
  • FOX

  • "The Tarantino One" Also Introduces Chuny And Little Susie, Keeps Kathy Griffin Busy As A Scout Leader With A Food-Poisoned Troop, And Brings Ma Benton's Misery (And Ours) To A Merciful End -- But Lewis Mére Is Such A Shitshow, You'll Wish She'd Croaked Instead
  • Carter Is Eager To Crap On Benton In His Evaluation...Until He Reads Benton's Evaluation Of Him, While Benton Vicariously Grieves Via An End-Stage AIDS Patient -- And All The Carol/Tag Wedding Crap I Didn't Bother Mentioning Until Now? Well, That's Because, As You All Know, Tag Nopes The Wedding


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