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We Could Say The Latest Twist On Emerald City Makes Sense, But We'd Be Lion

Adam Grosswirth also really hopes all those witches are under warranty.

This is kind of a weird episode for me. Having finally arrived at Glinda's last week, Dorothy and Lucas's storyline now finally connects with someone else's. We learn a lot more about Glinda's world -- including that Lucas/Roan is her husband! So this is ostensibly the A-plot, and it's very pretty -- all white marble and magic doors -- but I found it kind of a snooze.

Meanwhile, West is two completely different characters this week. I realize drugs can do that to a person, but still. She opens the episode with Tip, in one of the most straightforward and most compelling scenes of the season so far, being the role model they've hinted she can be, and coaxing out the badassery they've teased is in Tip. And then she goes and does something amazingly dumb, for no apparent reason. And then Jack and Queen Ev, who can usually at least be counted on for some whackadoodle times, are just whiny and weird. Not in the good way.

And yet...somehow when those parts all get put together, I still mostly enjoyed it? The plot moves forward, we learn new things, and as always, it's beautiful to look at. Also, at this late point in the season, the show is getting a sense of humor about itself.

Lucas: I see Winter hasn't taken your roses.

Me: That's what he said.

Glinda: Is that a metaphor?


But still, I have a lot of questions:

What kind of a name is Ozma?

Tip (or Ozma, as it seems) asks this question herself. West tells Tip it means "Leader of Oz," but then isn't it a title? Isn't "Princess Ozma" redundant? Aaaaaaaanyway, her parents (who had the perfectly normal names of Oscar and Katherine) were killed by the Wizard when he defeated the Beast Forever and took over Oz. Ozma was believed dead too, but if she survived, she'd be Tip's age, and that sure would explain why someone would change her gender and never let her leave her room. West tells her to decide: is she the Princess, or is she some random orphan who was hidden for no reason? "We were born for greater things, you and I. We were born to fly." (And as someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly. Sorry not sorry.)

Why is West so all over the place this week?

It's all downhill for West after that fantastically strong mentorly showing, as she takes Tip to the crypt of the witches' sacred temple, which even the Wizard apparently doesn't know about (the crypt, presumably; he knows about the temple). In it are the spells of all the dead witches, stored like cremains in urns. West wants Tip to drink East's magic, even though no one has ever done this before and it could kill her. But...you just said she was Princess Ozma and super-important! Oops, she takes a tiny sip and it kills her! West isn't even high! (Yet.)

How can that lion helmet possibly be practical?

Before Tip dies, the magic unlocks a memory from when Tip was a baby, of her parents being killed (at the Wizard's order) by a soldier in a big scary lion head. Yes, it's the lion at last! Except...what? How could you possibly fight, or even execute a relatively helpless royal family, wearing this ginormous thing on top of your helmet? Sure, it's scary, but it has zero field of vision, and enemy soldiers could just grab onto the fur and take you down. Maybe that's why the soldier in question stopped wearing it, and at the end of the episode we see it's been locked in a cabinet. By the only Wizard's Guard whose name we know, Eamonn. We don't see him not kill Tip/Ozma, but we know he didn't...maybe that will be the "cowardly" part?

Is that really how you'd kill yourself if you had magic?

After setting Tip's body adrift in a well or something, and begging Glinda to let her see their mommy (shorter Glinda: "Go home, you're drunk"), West attempts suicide...by using magic to slit her wrists. Really? It's magic. Hurl yourself into the sky. Send the Wizard an immolation-o-gram. Just snuff yourself out painlessly. No, drama queen over here has to bleed out in the damn temple. Sorry, I'm not making light of actual suicide, but in the context of the show, this makes no sense. Well, except it does, because of course Tip isn't dead after all. "It worked," she declares as she comes upon West's bleeding body. Yay?

How does Jane know how to make everything?

She's a vortex scientist, and that's not even a real thing! But somehow, the transponster of Ev can not only make robot boys with full sexual functions, she can build guns from scratch. Or she could, but she refused to do so for the Wizard, for which Langwidere has fired her.

Don't parts of Jack still need to be washed?

Having banged Langwidere, Jack is now getting the royal treatment. His new outfit even has jodhpurs. Jodhpurs! The servants offer him a bath, and he's like "Hello? Rust?" But he still has hair. And that one armpit. And, as has now been clearly established, some downstairs parts which he was just using. He must stink, right?

What's your damage, Ev-er?

Queen Ev, meanwhile, is too busy Queening to see Jack, and when she finally does, they have a big fight about her having fired Jane. Langwidere thinks that love and ownership are one in the same; Jack disagrees. To prove she's right, she tells Jack he's free. Will he use that freedom and leave her just like everyone else has? Will he?!

Did Glinda not think through the possible ramifications of erasing Roan's memory at all?

It was a good idea, giving Roan (fka Lucas) that spell so that if he was captured he wouldn't be able to give her up, but it seems not to have occurred to her that he might go on living his life while not remembering her, and she is super-jealous of Dorothy. She tells Roan he has to pick a side in the coming (very soon) war.

What's up with the room full of broken witches?

After Dorothy delivers the breach baby of a fellow prisoner (a Wizette who broke her vow of celibacy), Glinda sees she has real skills and asks if she can help with a room full of girls who "pushed themselves" too far and are all messed up in various ways. Glinda is pretty cavalier about the whole thing, so why didn't she just kill them, like she was planning to do to Dorothy? Even if her coldness is a front, it still has to be better than keeping them all in a tiny room with no furniture, especially if she previously thought they couldn't be saved?

Why are the child witches so mean to Sylvie?

Sylvie (now Leith) joins Glinda's witch school, and the other girls haze her, like a room full of mean girl Carries. Never mind that she gets them back (like, uh, regular Carrie). This wins them over, so I guess it was all a test? But she's new! And she's so little! I question Glinda's methods. Whatever happens, it works for loyalty at least, because when Dorothy breaks out at the end of the episode Leith won't go with her.

Did Dorothy just forget about the Elements?

Dorothy's whole plan was to use East's gauntlets to kill Glinda, but it takes getting into a fight with Roan about the broken witches for her anger to flare up enough for them to appear. She attacks Glinda while she's sleeping, wrapping and hanging her in her own sheet, which is a really neat effect. Roan intervenes, but lets Dorothy go, and Glinda has had it, officially.

Where the fuck is Toto?

They left him outside last episode. Is he still just sitting there? Puppy!

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