Screen: Playing With Time

Pregnancy Tests Used To Be The Size Of Vespas

And other critical information from the first season of Degrassi Junior High.

  • Joey Jeremiah Locks Arthur In A Closet, Gives "All The Way With" Stephanie Kaye Some Half-Decent Speechwriting Advice While She's Winning The Election And Losing Her Best Friend
  • Lucy Pointedly Reads The Village Voice; Voula's Dad Should Be As Strict About His Crappy Greek Accent As He Is About Voula Going To The Dance; Stephanie Drinks And Barfs
  • Snake's Shorts At Basketball Tryouts Probably Count As Child Porn, So If I'm Not Around For A While, It's Because I Got Arrested For Seeing Them; Melanie And Kathleen Act High On The Vitamin "Drugs" Joey Sold Them; Yick Plagiarizes Stephanie's Papers To Prove Raditch Hates Him
  • Caitlin's Into Left-Back Rick's Broody Deal, But It Turns Out Rick's Dad Is A Hitty Poof Clown (Though Everyone Thinks It's Joey's Because He Face-Planted Off His Skateboard) (Also The Children's Aid Worker Looks Like He Walked Off The Set Of A The Fixx Video)
  • L.D. Forces A Riggs/King-Style Swimming Showdown With The Soccer Team (People Made Signs For This Like "Boys All The Way"…Get A Life, Degrassians), And Also Takes Melanie Bra-Shopping; Snake Is Also Being Stalked By Arthur And Yick So They Can Copy His Snacks And Get Taller
  • When That Shitbitch Kathleen Spreads A Rumor About Ms. Avery Being A Big Old Lebanese, Melanie Is Like "No H8, Who Cares" But Caitlin Worries That Everyone Thinks That About Her, Too; Arthur And Yick Something Something Stupid With Fingerprint Powder And Maybe Rick's A Thief (He Totally Isn't)
  • Stephanie's Going To Bone Wheels This Weekend While Arthur's Going To Screen A Porno For His Friends; Kathleen Is A Judgmental Pill About The Former, But Of Course No Sexy Stuff Happens And We Sat Through The Customary Condom-Purchase "Hilarity" For Nothing
  • L.D. Struggles With Hospitalphobia Thanks To The Death Of Her Mother; Spike Struggles With Acting
  • Lucy Shoplifts, Misuses The Word "Fascist"; Stephanie Is Nearly Date-Raped By A Binaca-Wielding, 'Vette-Driving, Sweet-Toile-Blazer-Wearing Soap Star
  • Caitlin Spearheads The First Of Her Six Kajillion Green Initiatives With A Rap Song, Yick Is Ashamed Of His Heritage, Rick Smokes And Takes Dating Advice From Shane So Maybe He IS As Dumb As They Say, And There's A Public-Address System Gag Involving Tuna Surprise (Said Surprise Is Not That "Brainbox" Kathleen And Her Clown Tights Are Bitches To Rick)
  • Spike Is Knocked Up, The Overinvested Twins Need To Butt Out, Pregnancy Tests Used To Be The Size Of Vespas, And Yick Like-Likes Melanie
  • Wheels Is Stalked By His Birth Dad, Spike Yells At Shane A Lot, And The Future Zit Remedy Fights Over Their Name
  • Everybody Wants Something They'll Never Give Up; Furthermore, Stephanie Uses Joey To Make Wheels Jealous, And The Grade Sevens Try To Get Her Impeached

"Broomhead" count: 12