Photo: Adam Taylor / ABC

Now With Extra Padding

It's a good thing the network eliminated separate results shows other than this week, because man, is this episode filled with the filleriest of filler.

The Female Pros' Opening Number

Do you like scantily-clad ladies throwing their hair around? If yes, watch this. If it sounds like Solid Gold in a bad way, skip it.

Glimpse Backstage Last Night

A few famous faces (Rick Schroder, Rumer Willis) showed up to support friends, but if you watched last night, you saw all of them sitting in the audience anyway.

First Three Results

Antonio and Tavis are safe. Betsey is in jeopardy.

Women’s Motivation Clip Package

Janel is Hawaiian. Sadie wants to share her Christian faith. Lolo Jones tells a sad story about how her prom date refused to dance with her because she was such a bad dancer and she hasn't slow-danced with anyone since. Whoa. Lea used to be a ballerina but Baryshnikov told her she was fat. Is she sure that happened to her and wasn't something she saw in Center Stage? Bethany (who will apparently only ever be shown in taped packages inside a YouTube frame) wants to increase her self-esteem after being bullied when she was younger. Betsey wants to test her limits.

Encore Performance

If you didn't see Alfonso Ribeiro and Witney last night, or even if you did, it's worth watching. My only concern is that, as the season goes on, the judges are always talking about how they want to see growth. They're starting at such a high level, I don't know where they can go from here.

Next Three Results

Randy and Janel are safe. Michael is in jeopardy.

Men's Motivation Clip Package

Alfonso wants to lose his fat. Tommy Chong wants to dance with his wife of many years. Tavis wants to show off his less-serious side. Antonio is happy to dance with Cheryl. Jonathan is dancing as tribute to his dad, who loved the show, and passed away two months ago. Randy wants to show people his softer side. Michael is motivated by his buddy Bill Engvall.

Smokey Robinson Performance

Smokey doesn't look that great, but he's still got that voice. He's joined by Aloe Blacc, but I don't know if the pairing quite works, and Mark Ballas dances while they sing. Still, it's worth watching (or listening -- maybe just close your eyes) because Smokey's pipes hold up.

Next Four Results

Bethany, Sadie, and Alfonso are safe. Lea is in jeopardy.

The Three Brand-New Pros

Seriously? No one gives a shit. They do eventually all perform a routine, and all of the men are shirtless, so it's not like it HURTS to look at, but this is why we don't have a results show anymore.

Derek's Audition Tape

Look, I like Derek and I don't need to see his dorky self talking about why he wants to be on the show.

Three More Results

Tom throws it to Erin backstage, who has to vamp because the people she's supposed to talk to aren't there. I don't know if it's the new showrunner this season, but there have been more technical gaffes in these two episodes than I remember seeing in the previous ten or so seasons total. Get it together, production! Anyway, Lolo and Keo are in jeopardy.

Elimination Announcement

I mean, assuming you're watching this episode, so this is why you're watching, right? The bottom two are Betsey and Tony and Lolo and Keo, and then Lolo and Keo go home, as I predicted.

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