Dancing With the Stars Rolls Out The Sexy Hip Action For Latin Night
A few stars suffer from confidence issues and land on the bottom of the scoreboard before one couple is eliminated.
It's Latin night! And you know what that means: Pitbull. I mean, he is definitely Latin. I wouldn't say his music is particularly Latin-flavored, but it does make people dance, so here we are. I actually saw on social media recently where someone said Pitbull is her favorite musician. Pitbull. Her favorite. Like she travels to go see him in concert. So there's something for everyone. Life is a rich tapestry. Also, Flo Rida performs, and for the first few minutes, I was pretty sure he was LL Cool J, so I'm old. For some reason, Pitbull is a guest judge. We were fine with three judges, at least until Len finally returns next week. Anyway, your rankings:
9. Maureen McCormick & Artem: Samba
Artem gets frustrated with Maureen not learning the steps during rehearsals. Boy, Artem is almost like Maks with the bullying. Maureen is obviously doing the best she can. She's not screwing up on purpose. Not everyone is a professional dancer. I don't remember the pros being dicks like this in previous seasons. Well, obviously Artem's training strategy didn't work because Maureen screws up the first pass completely. She spends the next section with a frozen grimace on her face, terrified to screw up more. She gets back on track later, but that opening is rough. There's too much content. The judges love her positivity even as they note her shortcomings. Scores: 31/40.
8. Amber Rose & Maks: Cha Cha
Maks gets frustrated because he thinks that Amber is not reaching her potential. When Amber screws up in rehearsals, Maks punches a mirror and yells at her, and Amber tells him that she's leaving. Good for her. Maks is a bully. And honestly, I don't know Amber's background, but for a lot of women, a man in authority suddenly getting loud and physical can trigger some uncomfortable feelings. So Maks needs to chill. The next day, Maks apologizes and says he wants to see Amber reach her potential. Her actual routine is good, although it's missing a little spark. There's not a lot of connection between them. Amber nails the steps, though, and she looks fantastic. The judges point out that Amber still seems to be holding back a little bit, and they understand what Maks is saying about potential. Scores: 28/30.
7. Terra Jolé & Sasha: Paso Doble
As Terra rehearses, she struggles with the aggressive attitude required for the Paso. So Sasha tries to annoy her into anger, even though annoyance and anger aren't really the same emotion. Terra seems like she's concentrating really hard on the steps and sometimes looks terrified and maybe in pain? But not angry or aggressive. She's also missing the joy that we normally see in her routines. She doesn't miss a step, but the attitude is wrong. The judges note that it wasn't her best dance, but they still love her. Scores: 30/40.
6. Ryan Lochte & Cheryl: Salsa
I don't know who Ryan's publicist is, but he or she keeps putting him in situations where he shows off how dumb he is. Like, he had a great brand going: Sex Idiot. He should stick to that. No one should expect anything more from him. Anyway, Ryan is worried this week about how quickly he has to move in this dance, and Cheryl also looks worried. But Ryan is actually not terrible. I think his best attribute is that he's shameless: he will wiggle his hips, he will strip down to his undies, he will paint his body with day-glo paint to show up in the black light, and he will do it all with enthusiasm. The judges love Ryan's spirit, if not his musicality. Scores: 30/40.
5. Marilu Henner & Derek: Cha Cha
Marilu had a real breakthrough last week, and Derek hopes she can keep it up. In rehearsal, Derek talks about how Marilu's greatest asset is her legs, and then goes on a tangent about how sometimes he looks at her and is...attracted to her? And then he gets all embarrassed. It could be gross, but somehow comes off as cute. I think it's because he's not like, "Ew, old women are disgusting," but instead is like, "Dude, she's my mom's age, that's weird. But she's hot." Anyway, their routine is fun, but not quite fast enough for me. Marilu still seems too careful to me, but less so than before. This wasn't her best, but it was close. The judges loved it, especially her confidence. Scores: 34/40.
4. James Hinchcliffe & Sharna: Rumba
James is worried about being sexy for the rumba. When he had to do the cha cha, James explains that he created an alter ego named Ricardo so that he could handle the sexy stuff. And then there's a telenovela skit where Ricardo battles James for the sexiness title. Come on, guys. Cut it with the comedy. In their routine, James actually nails the sexiness and the steps, but his posture isn't quite right. He's great at hitting the poses, but sometimes the transitions are a little iffy. The judges love the routine except for Julianne, who has some quibbles. Scores: 38/40.
3. Laurie Hernandez & Val: Salsa
Laurie has trouble getting the sexy hip action of the salsa. She commiserates with Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson about how difficult it is to transition from strict gymnastics to sexy dancing. Shawn tells her to go for it and not worry about being perfect. Laurie does all of the steps, and there are a TON. But there's something almost mechanical about her footwork. I'm not getting any indication that she's feeling the music or the emotion of the dance. She's perfect. But it's still missing something. The judges seem to feel that Laurie has room for improvement, since she doesn't get a perfect score tonight. Scores: 37/40.
2. Jana Kramer & Gleb: Argentine Tango
Jana and Gleb decide to go back to their sexy roots. They stopped being sexy? I don't remember anything but sexy from them. At first, I thought this routine was too stark, like they were just hitting poses and nothing else. But once Jana got off the bed in the middle of the floor, it got amazing. And then at the end, when they got under a shower? So sexy. I do wish there had been a little more Argentine Tango content, but the attitude and movements were fantastic. Amber should take lessons from Jana on how to move with intention and intensity. The judges loved, loved, loved it. Scores: 40/40.
1. Calvin Johnson Jr. & Lindsay: Argentine Tango
Lindsay has trouble getting Calvin into the sexy mindset he needs for the tango, but boy did I love this routine. Calvin's movements are so sharp, and his posture is great. I am normally not a fan of lifts, especially because they take away from precious dancing time, but these were impressive and perfectly integrated into the routine. The judges are also impressed, especially with how Calvin was leading throughout the routine. Scores: 37/40.
The two couples in jeopardy are Amber and Maks and Calvin and Lindsay. Wow, I will be kind of sad if either of these two go home, but I think I really want Calvin to stay. And I get my wish, as Amber and Maks are eliminated. At least she doesn't have to get yelled at by Maks anymore!