Eric McCandless / ABC

Dancing With The Stars Features A Couple...Of Eliminations

While the two eliminations in this episode are not a huge surprise, a liiiiiiiive surprise provides a modicum of excitement.

DNCE Like No One is Watching

Unless you are the world's biggest Joe Jonas fan, the appeal of DNCE isn't in their blistering live performances. It's when you're in the car and "Cake By The Ocean" comes on the radio and you find yourself moving and grooving in your seat. Or maybe that's just me, last weekend.

Marilu & Calvin Results

Both of these couples fell down the leaderboard last night, so both are nervous about tonight's double elimination. But Tom and Erin announce that both Marilu and Derek and Calvin and Lindsay are safe.

Sasha Freaking Proposes To Emma On Live Television

When we come back from commercial, the bumper is Sasha and Emma dancing to "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. Normal. And then Tom comes out and compliments them on their chemistry. He adds that he thinks Sasha has hosting potential, so he's turning the show over to him. Emma looks confused. And then Sasha gets down on one knee and proposes! And she says yes! I'm not usually one for public proposals, but since these two are performers anyway, I'll accept it.

Everyone runs out on stage and cries and hugs them, and it's just very sweet.

Very Superstitious

In order to clear the stage after the proposal, Tom throws to a clip package of the celebrities talking about their lucky rituals. None of them are super-weird; it will not surprise you to hear that Marilu probably has the most rituals and they all involve her right foot somehow. As a lefty, I'm offended.

Male Dancers Perform

I love male dancers and everything, but this is set to "Ain't No Sunshine" and it's very slow and kind of weird.

Not my thing.

Amber, Babyface, And Maureen Results

Some actual results are revealed in this segment! We find out that, after her scores, Amber did get an apology from Julianne, but it's one of those half-hearted "I'm sorry you felt that way" types. Ever since Julianne dressed in blackface for Halloween, I'm over her. Anyway, Amber and Maks are safe. Maureen and Artem are safe. Babyface and Allison are eliminated. After lackluster performances previously and a disaster last night, this is not a surprise. I just hope Babyface will return on the finale and sing "Whip Appeal."

Times Are Tough Plus Derek Hough

First, there's a video package where the various pros talk about how challenging this season is, because the stakes keep getting higher. Then Derek does a dance routine with a troupe where he plays the drums (?) and tap dances without his shirt (??). Simultaneously. Like there are two Dereks on the screen at the same time.

I think the devil did it. As a former tap dancer and Livingston County Youth Talent Show Second Place Winner (since you asked, I tapped with a girl named Dawn to Dr. William Joel's classic "Tell Her About It"), I can point out that the tap track is pre-recorded, and I'm pretty sure the drum track is too. Like, enough, Derek. We get it, with your shirt off. I usually like Derek, but this was a bit much even for me.

James, Laurie, And Terra Results

Laurie and Val are safe. Terra and Sasha are safe. But James and Sharna are in jeopardy, which is difficult to believe.

Jana, Ryan, And Vanilla Ice Results

Ryan and Cheryl are safe and Ryan is PSYCHED. But Jana and Gleb and Vanilla Ice and Witney are in jeopardy. The best part is after those results are announced, someone offstage or possibly in the audience yells, "WHAAAAAAT?" Look, these results shows are pretty boring. I have to take my amusements where I can find them, mild as they may be.

Finally, Final Results

Tom gets right to it and tells us that James and Sharna are safe, of course. So it's down to either Jana and Gleb or Vanilla Ice and Witney. And...Vanilla Ice and Witney are going home. Well, he wasn't the worst, but he wasn't going to win, and his schedule obviously didn't really work with the pace of the show, which is only going to get more hectic.


The proposal was at least exciting for a moment, but I'm sure it will be all over the entertainment websites tomorrow, and if you've read this far, you already know that Babyface and Vanilla Ice were eliminated. Wait, do people hate the early '90s? I would actually guess that people who were young during the heyday of Babyface and Vanilla Ice (i.e. me) are not in this show's demographic: old ladies and tweens.

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