Joe Francis Is Still Gross

Catching you up on the breakout un-star of Couples Therapy 3.

Screen: VH1

Screen: VH1

I can't speak for anyone else who watches this trash, but for me, Couples Therapy is appealing for two main reasons: it invites the viewer to judge whether the couples in therapy should even be together (generally, the answer is no); and it doesn't scruple to air moments when the couples judge one another. So the latest episode is a major win on both fronts, largely thanks to the work of one Joe Francis.

Having established last week how controlling he is of his much younger girlfriend, Joe ran with that motif some more when the couples all took OKCupid compatibility tests. Joe is initially pretty psyched to learn that, according to the probably unscientific test offered by this free online dating service, he and Abbey are 85% compatible...until the other couples start getting higher scores than Joe and Abbey do (including a group-high 91% for Liz and Flav, who not only shouldn't be together as a couple but shouldn't have each other's contact information or live in the same state). That's when Joe starts talking about the test as though his score were a grade, like in school, and blaming his second-tier performance on Abbey's inability to answer one of the questions: "Abbey and I scored well, but still not an A. We scored an 85 out of 100, and the only reason is because Abbey doesn't know math." It's not enough to blame her in an interview, though: he also has to scold her to her face: "Because of your answers, we got a B on that test." (To her credit, Abbey appears not to give a shit, so at least therapy is working for one of them.)

Earlier in the episode, though, Joe also breaks new ground in shittiness by casting aspersions on Abbey's capacity to give him offspring. As we know, Abbey struggles with eating disorders, and Joe has concerns about how her disease may affect a hypothetical Francis baby: "How can I be sure she's going to be pregnant and not be bulimic during pregnancy, which would for sure terminate a pregnancy, kill a child?" How important is it to Joe to have children? It is a dealbreaker. Let me just say that again: disgusting pornographer/frequent legal defendant Joe Francis intends to be a parent, and it's so important for him to do so that he might break up with his current girlfriend if he decides he can't trust her safely to gestate his heir. Maybe cosmic justice will come into play and Joe will turn out to be sterile? Failing that...well, I was going to say I hope he doesn't have girls, but I don't particularly trust him with boys, either.

Finally: this episode featured the long-teased arrival of Real World alumni Heather and Dustin, who are still dealing with the effects of one questionable decision from Dustin's past.

Even I remember this storyline from The Real World, so I'm kind of surprised that it comes as such a bombshell when Joe (who else) decides to look up Dustin and finds evidence of Dustin plying his former trade.

What makes Joe's reaction especially revolting is not just the grade-school-level "hee hee, he likes boys" glee; we could have taken it as read that most of the boneheads in this house would have the same response (and well done, Tyler, for being more mature than people who are chronologically much older than you are). But if there's anyone in this group who should be understanding about the circumstances that might cause a person to work in pornography and not be terribly proud of it, shouldn't it be disgusting pornographer Joe Francis?! Granted, I don't expect that Joe himself feels any shame over the "adult films" he's had a hand in (ew), but surely all those times women he'd tricked into starring in them sued him, some of what they said about the experience should have sunk in.

And yet, even Joe knows better than Flavor Flav that being gay isn't something a person can choose, so who will ultimately win the race to the bottom is still in question.

  • Sarah D. Bunting

    How has Joe Francis not gotten punched to death? That's so difficult to believe, truly.

  • Derek Martz

    They still make SD TV shows? Ew.

  • TaraAriano

    Because I've never gotten close enough.

  • dolly

    He is disqusting and the biggest douchebag ive seen on air in a long time. He has one of the most screwed up relationships this season but yet he is judging everyone else. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he has inhanced his girlfriends eating disoder rather than helped it.

  • laloba

    Behind that big grin, Joe Francis is a mean, ugly, man. He hides behind that "Girls Gone... persona. But this dude is seriously disturbed. I see an extremely abusive man who hates females to the core. He is in great denial, but it is very possible that he is gay. Nothing wrong with being gay. But fronting like Joe Francis, and his weird behavior, only points to the fact that he is an angry homosexual. Angry because he doesn't want to be. Angry because he has created a fake persona that points in the opposite direction of gay-----but the man is gay. He doesn't like women. Never will.

  • laloba

    What's wrong with saying that Joe Francis is gay? Why am I being censored? I'm not trying to be funny. I'm stating the obvious. Aint nothing wrong with being gay. Joe Francis hates women so much that he has deep issues about females, treats them like dirt. I'm pointing out that he cannot love let alone like females. He might not even know it but to me he is gay, gay, gay.

  • TaraAriano

    ...who's censoring you?

  • Mary Andraso

    I cannot believe he got so mad at Flavor Flav and wife about how far along she was. Who cares whether she is 2 months or 6 months! Celebrate with them and talk about it to Abbey behind your bedroom door! Why upset a woman carrying a child? Joe was just mad because the attention was not constantly on him and Abbey. And did you see Abbey throwing the choco covered strawberries out? She wasn't mad...she just didn't want to be tempted to eat them since she has anorexia. I also believe Joe is gay and is afraid to come out.

  • #joefrancisgay

    Joe Francis is gay. He overcompensated with girls gone wild. He is reflecting his own sexual issues by fighting with Dustin. He talks and acts like a girl. Plus he obviously doesn't like or respect women. And has mannerisms that set off my gaydar. Nothing wrong with being gay, he's just so in denial about it.

  • kap

    I thought the same thing. He's so disgusting because he's trying to pretend to be a straight man and that's how he thinks they act. He's wrong. Real men are decent.