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Clone High Lets JFK Consider Mounting A Flex Offense On His Basketball Teammate, 'John D'Arc'

JFK finds himself intrigued by a new member of Clone High's basketball team. Confused, but intrigued!

High school is a dispiriting slog for most people, but if one were lucky enough not only to be the clone of an important historical figure but to attend classes with a whole bunch of clones of other important historical figures, it shouldn't be that bad, right? Wrong, as Joan of Arc keeps having to learn on Clone High. In the case of "Homecoming: A Shot In The D'Arc," Joan sees a need she can meet -- joining Clone High's legendarily terrible basketball team to try to help get back at their rivals at GESH (Genetically Engineered Superhuman High) -- but even her best friend Abe laughs in her face at the idea. The original Abe Lincoln might have emancipated one community from oppression, but his clone is not as progressive a thinker, reminding Joan, "No girls or animals can play on the boys' team!" But maybe Joan can prove this policy is outdated by donning an incredibly convincing disguise and going undercover on the team as "John D'Arc": A BOY!

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The illusion: it's perfect!

It actually is immediately effective, in that as soon as Cleo sees this b-ball phenom in action, she starts coming on to him, much to the jealous dismay of Cleo's sort-of boyfriend, Abe. But Cleo is not the only one drawn to John's charms.

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At first, JFK reacts the way one would expect of the teen clone of a world-class poonhound. Sure, he finds he can't resist his attraction to John, even stepping in to defend John against an attack from Abe over Cleo.

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But the confusing feelings John has sparked still cause JFK to panic and flee the interaction.

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However! When JFK goes home that night, he actually tries to open his mind. ...Okay, he opens it a crack (no pun intended), asking his gay foster dads if he may watch Will & Grace with them. Too bad he seems to have decided to sample it on an off night.

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Still, for a sitcom targeted toward young male viewers even to admit the possibility not only that a high school boy might have a gay crush but might also consider seeing where it goes is pretty bold and radical -- even more so when you consider that this episode first aired in 2003, before either of the gay leads ON Will & Grace had kissed any of their boyfriends onscreen. JFK's fear of his same-sex attraction is expected; much less expected is how quickly he gets past it and on to the pursuit of new bonertunities.

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In the end, Joan proves that girls can do anything boys can do.

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"Ernest Hemingway" proves dolphins can do anything humans can do, I guess?

JFK proves he has no reason to fear any kind of sexual attraction.

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And GESHy proves he was definitely better off under GESH's supervision.

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For Booze Week, we ask:

What is 'John D'Arc' most likely to do with 'his' cocktails?

  • Cherry-pick
  • Take an uncontested shot
  • Dribble
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