What Does David Justice Learn From Celebrity Wife Swapping With Dweezil Zappa?
Tea party proficiency? Yes. Green laundry techniques? Not really.
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
Sarah, I understand this David Justice is some kind of athlete? Just kidding, I knew he was a baseball player (because he was a character in Moneyball, and...because he was married to Halle Berry for a while). Please tell those of us who don't follow the game: was he as big a prick as a player as he seemed in this episode?
As a player, not necessarily, but when the Yankees went to Fenway, the Sox faithful had some choice chants for him about his alleged tuning up of Ms. Berry while they were married.
It was actually chants while other players were at bat. So, if Paul O'Neill's at bat, they're yelling, "Paul-ie...Paul-ie...Paul-ie...JUSTICE BEATS HIS WIFE." I always admired how thousands of people could time that so perfectly. But I will give him this: though he is a lazy dill weed, he looks great in mauve lip gloss.
The tea party scene was literally the only moment when he didn't seem like a gigantic asshole; it's a particular kind of alpha-male-osity that can leap into über-girliness like that with both feet and not worry about a loss of status, and also, it's cute. But..."Does she like doing chores?" Twice? Dude, no one likes doing chores, but not everyone will get to be rich enough to...well, make their in-laws do them, apparently. Kids need to learn.
Raquel is my favorite, by the way. Her "mmmmm-hmm" about David's eggs cracked me up, and I also enjoyed her impatient "Dad! Pinky out!"
I got confused for a second because I spent most of the episode thinking Raquel was Justice's wife's name because she looked so much like a young Raquel Welch. The actual Raquel was a cutie for sure. Fake Raquel -- real name: Rebecca -- did not make such a great impression on me.
Oh, I liked her. She shouldn't indulge her husband the way she does, or permit the gender segregation in childcare, but she seemed game to me. Something about her gutting it out with the manure-spreading in the garden while stubbornly wearing those big platform wedges was charming. And I respect the Zappae for composting and being aware of their footprint and whatnot, but "let's go, we're not the Flintstones": for realsies. I mean, I'm from Jersey, and we're like Angelenos with the driving everywhere, so I'm biased, but I got the feeling that Rebecca was like, this isn't my jam but it's only a week, so fuck it. But her jewelry is terrible, period.
Agreed on the accessories. But other than the driving (which: if the Zappas are that concerned about their footprint, maybe not with the SUV for a three-person family? Though I guess he probably needs a vehicle that's big enough to transport instruments), I felt like her rule changes were particularly undermine-y to him. Even though she stressed that the gift of the phone for Mia was only supposed to be for the week of the switch, she's a parent and she knows that it will be hard for Mia's actual parents to take it back after she leaves without looking mean. And even though Dweezil was nice about it, her garden makeover was a bit much. That's a working garden, for one thing, and for another ripping out their plants is pretty hostile given what she's already seen about the family's green lifestyle.
What struck ME as odd was how hostile the mood was at the table at the summit, at first, given how positive everyone was seeming in the cars on the way there. I am with Megan on a taste basis, but the word "gluttonous" is maybe something you use to yourself instead of making it confrontational. (Same for Rebecca; I know the producers told her -- and Megan -- to make bitchy comparisons like "your house is as big as my dressing area," but you can rephrase it so it's not so horrible.)
That's funny, because I thought Rebecca seemed much more accepting of and warm toward the Zappa household by the end of the switch, but I think she lashed out when Megan made such an aggressive start -- and I think Megan was so aggressive because she haaaaaaaated Justice. Bear in mind, anyone reading, that I have NO WAY of knowing if this is true, but if I know the stories about his (alleged?) abuse of Halle Berry, Megan probably did too, and when she showed up at his house, she was not happy.
She was judgy from the jump, though -- provided you believe they don't know whose house they're going to beforehand, which I guess you can't, but the MINUTE she walked in, she's like, this is like a castle, I hate it. Well, it wouldn't be my choice either, but since you agreed to do the show for some reason, maybe be better prepared emotionally/less of a pill about the front...hall? I don't know. I don't care for Justice either, but I still found it kind of hard to side with Megan on anything. Like, I agree with you that Rebecca undermined her with the phone and stuff, but I was okay with it.
I wasn't particularly on Megan's side either (other than about the breakfast in bed, because what and how do they keep finding these families where that's the norm?!)...but I kind of have a crush on Dweezil now.
Tara: I am so glad you said that, because I had a GINORMOUS crush on him back in the day, and this episode awakened long-dormant squealy feelings in my heart. He has aged flawlessly.
It's not just that he's totally cute -- THOUGH HE IS -- but he came across well across the board: smart, generous, progressive, kind, good husband, good cook, good dad...and never said a cross word about Rebecca even though it's clear the two of them had nothing in common other than both being mammals. Love.
There was a teeny bit of snark in the "poor shoe choices for the week" comment, but even that was very gentle. And accurate.
And it made me laugh because I'm not even a high heel person and yet that used to happen with Dave and me when we lived in New York all the time: I'd put on cute flats with a hard back (or whatever) thinking we were cabbing it and he'd be like, "Let's walk!" and I'd be like, "Fuuuuuuuuck fine." But you know Rebecca didn't pack anything lower than a four-inch heel. Wedges are probably like Chucks to her. Anyway: yes, Dweezil was pretty understanding, considering the kind of lady he's used to.
This was a fun episode. I expected more open conflict, but when my prediction that Raquel will be a huge stahhhhh comes true, I'm going to feel pretty good, and that's enough.
I agree, and while we're waiting for Raquel's career to take off, can we find a way to get Dweezil on my TV on a weekly basis? Because I really need more of that action.
Get him an HGTV show! Music IS The Food Of Love: Vegan Cooking With The Zappae.
If Dweezil were involved, I think I could even manage to be interested in a show about organic gardening. Maybe.
If it's a half-hour.
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