The Only Acceptable Reasons For Being A Willing Participant In The SECOND Season Of Catfish

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  • I spent all of Season 1 overseas and have no friends who would have told me about the show and am not on Twitter.
  • I spent all of Season 1 in a coma.
  • I think I can win that big cash prize! [Nope. There's no prize. - Ed.]
  • I am Amish enough not to watch MTV but not so Amish that I'm not on Facebook, where I met my girl/boyfriend.
  • I know exactly what's happening with my fake relationship, but I want to be on TV even if it means looking like a credulous fucking idiot.
  • I am Nev Schulman.
  • I think but am not certain that I may be the mark in an elaborate, years-long Park Chan-wook-style revenge plot.
  • Oh boy, I am Sam Beckett!
  • I thought Catfish would be a good showcase for me and my family of idiosyncratic, zany millionaire fly fishermen. See, there's Merle the Oldtimer, Zeke the hotshot youngblood, Jebediah the swamp guide, and Betsy, our tough-as-nails ma and fishing-lure empire business manager. I now understand that this isn't that kind of show. Why is it called Catfish exactly?
  • I am a catfish with a dream.
  • I just want to meet the person with whom I've been having a totally real relationship. Unrelatedly, I suffer from mental illnesses that are undiagnosed due to the sorry state of health care in this country, and think that if I talk about them on MTV, maybe Dr. Drew Pinsky (or similar) will help me.
  • I'd prefer to look stupid for believing that an improbably pretty girl is "dating" me online than admit the truth, which is that I am a gay man. [Just come out. Everyone probably knows. - Ed.]
  • Though I am cognizant of the potential risks, I feel this is still a less humiliating way of pursuing love on TV than being on The Bachelor/ette.
  • I am Max Joseph. [No longer an acceptable reason to be on Catfish. Get a real job, Max. - Ed.]
  • I am Evan from Joe Millionaire, and I think one of those ladies might be pulling some kind of dramatic irony trip on me.
  • I'm told that I watched all of Season 1, but I have that Memento/50 First Dates disease and I don't remember anything about it.
  • I'm the woman from the Catfish movie and I have unfinished business.
  • I am complicit in my fake relationship, but this seems like an easy way for me to get one location closer to fulfilling my goal of staying in every Holiday Inn Express in America.
  • I am complicit in my fake relationship, which is a long con that ends with me seducing Nev/Max/Nev some more.