When Broad City Gets On A Plane, How Gross Can It Get?
Ranking the grotesqueries of the Season 3 finale.
In the Season 3 finale of Broad City, Abbi and Ilana are en route to Israel on their "Birthmark" trip -- a free ten-day visit to the Holy Land paid for by their ancestors, a privilege they enjoy as Jews (though as far as Ilana's concerned, the jury's still out on whether Abbi's actually Jewish enough to exercise that entitlement). Abbi's got a lot going on: we assume she came up with this idea in the first place because she was embarrassed by how things went down with Trey on their first (and maybe last) real date, and she seems to be the only one on the plane who's been made to check her bag even though she made a lot of sacrifices and even did a couple of practice packs so she could go carry-on only; on top of that, as we saw at the end of the season's penultimate episode, she and Ilana haven't even been seated together and this is a long-ass flight. Before long, things get even worse: Abbi gets her period; she can't raise a tampon from any of her fellow passengers; Ilana goes MIA for reasons Abbi somehow can't guess; and though the flight attendants claim they don't have any tampons either, a chance glimpse past the curtain and into First Class reveals their lie. Abbi plans a diversion so that Ilana can storm First Class and retrieve the needed feminine hygiene product -- which, of course, the flight attendants overhear, mistake for a hijacking attempt, and move to quash...leading to Abbi and Ilana each being questioned in Israel as suspected terrorists, and returned to the U.S. in restraints...
...though at least on this flight they DO get to sit together. This being Broad City, a lot of gross goes down along the way. Let's count it down from least to most objectionable!
- Rachel H2 Wants The Hebraic D
Or, to be more precise, the Jewish S. We learned last week that the Birthmarkers have been seated with their best potential matches, with the idea that the flight will lead to marriages in the faith and thence to many Jewish babies -- indeed, later a couple of ginger seatmates who just met do get engaged. And Rachel H2 is definitely down with the program. In her introduction to the Birthmark-filled cabin, she says she's an event planner from Montana: "Decent Jewish population there, actually, but I'm looking to make it bigger."
Oh, Rachel H2. The next event you plan can be the funeral for your dignity.
- Some Dumb Kid Gets A First Class Upgrade
Obviously Ilana and Abbi are going to need to sit together regardless of where they've been assigned, so they start working their way through the aisles to trade seats with people in an effort to get closer to each other. Abbi's first move takes her across the aisle from her original seat, which one of the flight attendants IMMEDIATELY visits to tell the kid who's now in it, "You are sitting in the lucky seat we always upgrade to First Class!"
First of all, I KNEW IT. Second, this little brat isn't even going to appreciate the perks he's about to be showered with. THE SUNDAES ALONE.
- Unorthodox (heh heh) Earplugs
Ilana's attempt to find herself a seat nearer Abbi doesn't go so well either: here's how one of her neighbours responds to her request to trade:
Not that I don't understand wanting to save a buck on a flight given the way airlines now upcharge for every damn thing, but...ew.
- This Snack Pack For Two Is $38
I mean, case in point.
Who puts individual chickpeas in an airline snack? And then: just three?!
- This Guy's Been Dead The Whole Flight
Granted, Abbi and Ilana don't find that out until later.
But before they did, they each took one of his earbuds to watch a movie on his iPad. (Related gross note: the movie is Forget Paris.)
- Blowing A Guy With A Ponytail
Nice try, Broad City, but I'm not even going to comment on all the references to mohels sucking babies' dicks because I'm not trying to bring the ADL down on me!
However, sucking the dick of a guy with a ponytail as thick as an actual pony's tail is just unacceptable, I don't care how much Ilana wants to join the Mohel High Club.
- Ilana's Homemade Tampon
I love that Ilana loves Abbi enough to try to cobble this thing together out of a knitted yarmulke, a pita, and a couple of hair elastics.
But it's the size of a yarmulke with a pita wrapped around it. How capacious does she think Abbi's vagina actually is?!
- Eating Canned Fish On A Plane
I'm not sure if this gentleman is enjoying tuna or salmon.
I am sure that if consuming it in a shared public place like an office breakroom is a horrible violation of the social contract, doing it in the closed public space of an airplane should get you pushed out mid-flight, and not necessarily with a parachute.