Photo: Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC

Who's Going To Bite It In The Final Eight Episodes Of Breaking Bad?

If there's one thing you can count on this season, it's bodies (in body bags). We run down their likelihood of death.

"Will Walter White live or die?" is the big question guiding us through these final eight (!) episodes of Breaking Bad. The atrocities Walt (Bryan Cranston) has committed to this point and the atrocities he'll surely commit this Sunday, and every Sunday, would all justify a bullet-riddled retirement party for him. But good people die on this show, too. And the bad ones often emerge unscathed.

Besides Walt, anyway, there's an entire SHOW full of potential season 5.2 corpses. They killed a kid last year, everyone. Do you think anyone on this series is safe? We don't have the leaked scripts to confirm any of their predicted ends below, but the safe money's on this whole thing going down like Hamlet. You know, OUTLOOK NOT GOOD.

Will Jesse bite it?

Absolutely. If there's one character you can safely prepare an obituary for, it's the wide-eyed former junkie (Aaron Paul) who still doesn't know about Jane (Krysten Ritter), let alone Walt's poisoning of Brock (Ian Posada). Secrets secrets are no fun! There will be a confrontation. And it may end with Jesse's body in a bucket of chemicals. Honestly, the only question is whether the writers manage to squeeze in one perfectly timed "bitch" as he dies.

Will Hank bite it?

Back in Season 3, Hank (Dean Norris) took a few bullets in his shootout with the cartel twins and spent a lot of time in the hospital recovering. Walt Jr. (R.J. Mitte) came to visit one day, and compared what his uncle did to the detectives taking down Pablo Escobar. Or was it Al Capone? In any case, Hank was a hero to his nephew -- a "good guy," and maybe the secret protagonist of the whole series (especially as Walt has fallen deeper and deeper into sin). So yeah, chances are he's going to bite it.

Will Skyler bite it?

Hugely possible! A huge, largely misogynist swath of the internet already hates the woman (not that Vince Gilligan and co. would let that sway their decisions), so you've got that working against her. And at this point, Skyler (Anna Gunn) is deep enough into the drug game -- first by willful ignorance, later active money laundering -- that her death wouldn't be entirely unjustified. But I can see her packing up the kids for real this time, and fleeing well in advance of the events that lead Walt to the machine gun trunk we saw at the beginning of last season.

Will Walt Jr. bite it?

No.

Will Holly bite it?

ARE YOU A MONSTER

Will Todd bite it?

You don't kill a kid (see above) and get away with it, no matter how large your karmic stock for helping Tyra Collette write that beautiful college essay oh so many years ago. "You're a loose cannon, Todd!" is the kind of thing a South Park character would say to this guy. Walt will just think it, then shoot Todd (Jesse Plemons) in the face.

Will Marie bite it?

50/50. Considering Hank, her husband, will likely bite it...I just don't see them burning both an aunt (Betsy Brandt) and uncle. Too much. Then again, all that stealing Marie's done over the years has to catch up to her at some point, right? Not that stealing is as bad as meth production and child endangerment, that's not what I'm saying. Chill out!

Will Saul bite it?

Supposedly the Saul (Bob Odenkirk) spinoff is still a go, in which case no, he won't bite it. Then again, Lost built half its final season structure on the premise that these characters we'd been following for five years were actually dead, and having afterlife adventures. So who knows. I'd watch a sitcom about a ghost ambulance chaser.

Are there any dogs on the show, and if so will they bite it?

Kill all the human characters you want, every last one of them, but show a dog whimpering on the ground as it prepares for death and you undo every shred of storytelling goodwill you've engendered since 2008. Kill a dog; kill your legacy. The dogs of ABQ will survive.

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