Photo: Lewis Jacobs/AMC

The Last Couple In America To Watch Breaking Bad Finally Puts The “Binge” In Their Binge-Watching Experience

Boil up some meth, and lots of it!

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later that we would fall into actually binge-watching this show. We watched ten episodes in, like, the last four days, and to tell you the truth, I can’t even tell if I like it anymore, because asking me that would be like asking a fish if it likes the ocean. I do know that I’m pursuing Breaking Bad exposure even “recreationally” now: for instance, I clicked through a Vulture slideshow of Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul hugging, at work when I should have been working. They are very good at hugging.
On the other hand, I have stayed away from anything Breaking Bad-related on the internet because I have discovered that the internet -- this very site in particular -- has NO RESPECT for the work Wendy and I are doing. People out there are still posting spoilers of what’s currently happening on the show. Don’t they know we’re not caught up yet? Talk about Seasons 1 and 2 all you like; I can join that conversation. But as for the remaining forty episodes, please keep it shut. Thank you.
Right now, I believe I’m showing all the signs of addiction to this series. Reluctance/dread at first; steady and increasing use over time. This will probably end with rage and frustration when I run out of Breaking Bad. I am probably going to turn into Tuco (Raymond Cruz), trying to snort crushed-up Breaking Bad DVDs off a knife and beating up my henchmen (my cats).
My addiction manifests itself mostly in existential dread and high levels of anxiety. Did you guys notice that this show is bleak? That no one inside the show escapes the ever-hungering, ever-widening vortex of gloom? Everyone’s going through a rough patch or headed straight for a cliff. Poor Combo (Rodney Rush), offed by a little kid on a bike, fittingly while finishing the super-sized drink from his namesake. Poor innocent tortoise: you didn’t deserve to have Danny Trejo’s head and a bunch of C4 put atop your shell. You didn’t ask for that. At least you went out in a blaze of glory. Or at least in a blaze.
And now, a digression: did Anna Gunn (who plays Skyler) have plastic surgery between Seasons 2 and 3? Because if you watch the last episode of Season 2 and then immediately watch the first episode of Season 3, you can barely pay attention because all you can think is "NOSE JOB!" the whole time.
I’m certain we missed at least half of Episode 1 from Season 3 while we were discussing exactly what Skyler had done to her face. “She DEFINITELY got her cheeks done? Or her chin?” “She Botoxed her forehead and eyebrows?” “Maybe she’s actually pregnant now?”
Literally nothing in the series makes less sense than that lady getting a nose job. I know she wrote a big article about how everyone is misogynistic towards her/her character but I can’t read it because of spoilers. I will say that I had no problem with her, as an actress or a character, until she went and changed her whole face up between seasons. Now, I feel like I like her a lot less for some reason. I’m just telling it like it is. I’m not very into plastic surgery and am committed to my path of becoming an ugly old hag with no butt-fat injected into my face, but that’s me. TO EACH HER OWN. Except maybe not to each their own for actors and actresses supposedly playing schoolteachers' wives who can’t afford plastic surgery.

Some other random thoughts on things we liked

  • Krysten Ritter. Rest in P., Apartment 23.
  • Pizza on the roof
  • The eyeball that follows Walt around
  • All the people crawling on their bellies on their way to see the death god or whatever
  • The exponential rise in creepiness from the original Tuco to his twin cousins (Daniel & Luis Moncada). Like twin Terminators, those guys.
  • That Gus’s (Giancarlo Esposito) restaurant is called The Chicken Brothers
  • Any/all shots of Holly the baby
  • We know they are talking about spinning off Saul Goodman’s character (Bob Odenkirk). Why not Holly the baby? Better call Holly. She’s freaking adorable.
  • Skyler’s old face. Rest in P., Anna Gunn’s original beautiful F.
39
Episodes Left To Watch
23
Episodes Watched
30
Days Left To Watch Them
>3
Pizzas Jeff And Wendy Have Thrown Onto Their Roof Out Of Respect For Walter White

For Careers Week we list:

Other jobs that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul can do together now that Breaking Bad is wrapping up:

  • Professional Huggers
  • Huggers-in-Residence
  • Workin’ on a Hug Farm
  • Hug Coordinators
  • Spokesmen For Huggies
  • Joint Hug Supervisors
  • Hugging
  • Super Hugging
  • More Hugs
  • Adopting a Baby Together & Making a Show About it Called Breaking Dads (With Hugs)
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