Urgent Questions About Boys, The Boy Band Drama From Dick Wolf And Zayn

Is this thing going to be The Monkees? And if so, then why the hell not?

It's been almost 24 hours since I heard the news, and I still can't process it: Dick Wolf and former One Direction member Zayn Malik are teaming up to produce Boys, a drama about the creation and success of a boy band.

Even in that one sentence, there's just so much to parse. Dick "Crime Franchise" Wolf? Does he even know what boy bands sound like? And why Zayn, of all people? Isn't he a little young to be producing a TV show? Was Justin Timberlake not available? Or even Joey Fatone?

That said…I'm interested. Because of course I am! As Wolf and Zayn prepare their project, I already have these burning questions.

Speaking of Joey Fatone…he's going to be in the cast, right?

I mean…right? If he's willing to be in a music video that spoofs N'SYNC, then I'm sure he'd be down for a role in Boys as a former boy-bander whose life has become a gruesome cautionary tale. Or maybe he'll be one of the characters' dads!

Will Dick Wolf inject Law & Order realness?

I hope at least ONE episode features the boys bickering about where to grab dinner and then suddenly seeing a dead body. Or like…maybe they only THINK it's a dead body, but then in turns out to be a mannequin. That would set my heart aflame. But will Boys have room for winking jokes? I guess my larger question is…

What kind of tone are we talking about, here?

I pray to god and The New Mickey Mouse Club that this series isn't too serious. This is one reason I'm concerned that Zayn is involved: He seems intent on projecting a cool-guy vibe, and I do NOT need a boy band show that's afraid of whimsy. Because boy bands themselves are usually having PG-to-PG-13 fun, you know? It's their rakish charm, as much as their songs, that make them work. And as you might recall, The Monkees won several major Emmys for honoring this fact. Better their tomfoolery than a montage of boy band members drinking the pain away while an earnest ballad plays in the background.

Will Simon Cowell create a competing show out of spite?

Early signs suggest he will. But that could be awesome! Every BSB needs an N'SYNC. The Beatles need the Rolling Stones. New Kids on the Block need NKOTB, the "streetwise" persona they adopted for that ill-advised "mature" album in 1994.

As for competition: what about the Lee Daniels girl group show?

Star is coming to Fox this season. I know it's unlikely, but wouldn't it be great if these series crossed over? And maybe the Lyons can come over from Empire. I'd love to see them all at the ASAs, or whatever fake award show Boys creates. Hell, throw in a few Nashville characters, too. And Joey Fatone!

Most importantly: which faded pop stars will get a slight career bump from recording the theme song?

I'll literally eat my socks if they don't hire some former icons to record a special theme song for this show. Like…it'll eventually be sung by the actors playing the boys, but at some point, the series will try to create buzz by having middle-aged dudes belt "Dreamchaser (Theme From Boys)." Will they go the literal boy band route and hire Color Me Badd or O-Town? Will they opt for women and select Wilson Phillips or Eden's Crush? Or will they create a one-time line-up of Jason Mraz, Jesse McCartney, Gavin Degraw, and Ryan Cabrera? Right now, anything is possible, and that's why this is such a beautiful moment.

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