We're Sure The Beverly Hills, 90210 Visual Aids Will Be Moved To Tears

If only by Kelly's stupid hair, as Matt The Lawyer joins the show and Kelly is a bitch about it in the most important snapshots from S09.E04.

The Again With This podcast hates rhetorical questions!

When Hair and Wardrobe -- rightfully, IOO -- hate you.

No boundaries for the Doodlearium.

Cute coffee guy, a.k.a. Matt.

Boy-crazy stalking STUFF.

Dumb baby pouts.

Gay girl panic.

The world's ugliest sign.

Hello again, Lenny.

Classic only-on-TV not-looking-at-the-camera snapshot.

When did you formally agree, out loud, to any of this? And why is that headboard Anne Rice bought from the Liberace estate a store-design element?

"Broken co-opted-Asian-culture Barbie in bike shorts" is not a thing, guys.

Nice document management, counselor. What are you, an admissions-office bounty hunter?

Another Taylor lecture that ignores privacy laws; all the other laws; and how much of a twat you get to act like to a near-stranger when your look is a rhododendron cosplay.

Presented without comment.

Guess the Hunters are too broke for chairs. (Read: "Nobody in the writers' room has ever attended a graveside service/knows the cemetery deals with all that.")

Val has contempt for Carl; we have contempt for her for even showing up to this bullshit lunch.

Get a life, Abby.

"Welp, sucks to be you, Mom!"

Things are going great! Just ask The Unbuttoned Cuff Of Oblivious Grief/Guilt!

Rip Van Dingus just nailing the sobriety test.

"DID HE CALL?!" Your...daughter? At where he works? Go back to Buffalo, thirsty.

Once again, Michelle Phillips hogs alllll the acting for herself.

This "kick rocks" face would hold a little more weight if this lady weren't apparently horrified by attorneys arguing technicalities in front of her, a judge.

...Enh, strike that. Any Noah scorn is earned and then some.

She doesn't look bad here, but the sheer volume of's a funeral, Donna, not clown-school grad night.

"Surf" the Beverly Beat's latest issues "online."

So it's a bleached Caesar now? Ian: stop. You aren't fooling anyone.

Janet shade: cool and refreshing!

More Janet shade: that's brisk, baby!

Maximum Janet shade: grab a space blanket!

Yeah, it's obviously the cutting edge of tech if DJ Pissface is "installing" it.

Red-hot almost live content!

Where did this booth come from? How did it get decorated so quickly? Why does he need an entire eight-track mixing board for a radio show? Why does Sophie care?

Speaking of "who cares" -- like the Beat readership (of 51 people) is going to give a shit that Con-dace Bushnell has joined the editorial staff. Nobody seemed to notice when Emma came and went.

Yes, exactly what writing for the internet is like.

Do these extremely dry, flabby kisses indicate that Laura Leighton is as over Lord Pissface as we are?

The camera never blinks...but it does judge, bless its stony heart.

And a literal LOL was had by your correspondents.

Not by Steve, though, whose midnight grapes are ruined, just ruined!

"Can you at least put a robe on" over...this relatively modest outfit you will see on 80 percent of grocery shoppers in any neighborhood in the United States? Shut up, Steve.

It's the pelvic thrust that really sends you around the bend, apparently.

Aaaand deleting our bookmarks.

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