Val's Boobs Claim Another Victim In The Latest Beverly Hills, 90210 Visual Aids

But what a way to go -- right, Ray?

Listen along with the "You Gotta Have Heart" podcast -- it's okay to take a break from balancing the federal deficit.

That's Not The Band Jade (?), a play in two acts. Act I: does this limo contain the band Jade (?)?

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Act II: no, it's Aaron Spelling, and he has no time for this shit.

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Fin.

This is the band Jade (?), and they're a small enough deal that in addition to having a whole storyline devoted to conversations about whether they'll appear at a telethon, they also play their song in full. Jade (?) cares not for music rights!

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Even Nana can't get enough of the band Jade (?).

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Peter's styled his hair to max floof for date night with his wife! This little spitfire is Adrienne. You can probably tell even in this screen shot that she has a very nasal voice.

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Andrea and Peter try to touch fingertips in full view of their spouses because they are the worst at affair.

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The next day, Andrea grimaces in dismay when Peter improbably rings right through to her telethon phone line...

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...but then she soaks her pants anyway.

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Speaking of soaking pants...okay, not really, because we're given to understand that Donna is fully naked while making out with Ray. Would love to get an official policy platform on what Donna will and will not do, sexwise, tbh.

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Jim didn't like living with Valerie and recently deemed her devoid of shame, which is why he's making this face about her plans to move out. Okay.

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Cindy seems to think Val's moving out into an active volcano?

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Meanwhile, LuAnn is back from her cruise and really feeling herself.

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We still don't know why Dylan is just going around in suits since he got back from Punta Brava. But sure.

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Val's coat is longer than her skirt. No one is mad about it.

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Who wouldn't get into this car? Even Ray can't resist, and he's an idiot!

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Where do we submit Val's boobs to receive the Presidential Medal Of Freedom?

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Where do we submit Donna's hair for formal sanctions?

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Now, this -- the New Evolution compound -- is a mansion. Not that regular two-storey house Steve and Griffin burned down. (Also, this is Dan!)

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Okay, Donna and Brandon are doing a little skit. But that's some PRETTY SERIOUS MAKING OUT for two non-actors who are in relationships. Right?

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Will Ray even still want Donna after Brandon eats her nose off?

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What show is this dude watching?

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That's a pretty solid Dramatic Chipmunk impression, Finley.

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Compare for yourself!

Reunited because Kelly sucks at breakups, the happy couple grosses everyone out in a neon sign...

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...but maybe this is actually Jennie Garth and Jason Priestley, just for a second, goofing around like pals. Let's pretend it is.

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This cropped cardigan and satin micromini are the '90s-est look of the episode. Bow down.

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This is what all women look like lying next to the partners they're happy to be dating, right? Staring at the ceiling, wishing they were dead?

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Brandon, wrapped in a quilt yet WEARING HIS WORK BOOTS WITH LIFTS, makes Kelly's argument for her. (Against him.)

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If someone had made all these bad styling decisions on our heads, we'd be this miserable too.

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Brandon tries to hold back Finley and the Finleyheads by sending Bray Rays through his hand.

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Imagine how Brandon would look if he wasn't in the process of asking Dylan for a favour!

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To Kelly! Forever the center of attention, even in a cult.

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