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Beverly Hills, 90210 Gives Matt Too Many Objects For His Affection

Matt tells the women in his life that he loves them both. Somehow, neither of them is happy about it.

Steve's latest brilliant idea for the Beverly Beat is less about attracting readers and more about attracting gawkers, with "attracting" being the operative word: he wants to copy British tabloids by having cheesecake photos on Page 3 -- though at least he's not prepared for the Beat's models to be topless; bikinis will be just fine! To prepare for a publicity stunt announcing the initiative, he parks it in front of a sun lamp -- in the office, because why not -- which is when Janet notices an irregular mole on his shoulder. Facing the possibility that it could be melanoma leads Steve to re-evaluate his life and ponder what his legacy will be...for a while. Not long. When Donna finds the photo strip from "You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello," Gina leads her to believe that she and Noah did more that night than mug for the camera, and since Noah was wasted, he's not a credible witness in his own defense. Donna's anger leads her to accept David's request that she beard for him at his boss's party, where it turns out to be extremely easy for the two of them to fall back into their old relationshippy ways with not one but two for-real kisses. When she's not trying to pry Noah and Donna apart -- for sport, at this point -- Gina's trying to keep up with Dylan's need to bone in ever more scandalous locations. Matt having finally disclosed his marital status to her, Kelly's moping around, ruining everyone's Valentine's Day with her whining about whether she should fight for Matt against his mentally ill wife. Would it shock you to learn that Kelly is a bitch about it? We break down "Beheading St. Valentine" in our latest Again With This podcast!

Visual Aids

The accompanying Visual Aids don't even remember leaving the bar that night.


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