FOX

Resting Beachface

In the fight for control of Brenda's life that has nothing to do with him, somehow Brandon's still the biggest loser in our S03.E01 Visual Aids for 'Misery Loves Company.'

And the misery of these visual aids probably demand the company of our "Misery Loves Company" episode of Again With This!

Maybe it's just us, but does this...

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...remind anyone else of this? Minus the mullet and plus about 15 times more thespian subtlety, of course.

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Jackie's no-nonsense take on going into labor is particularly refreshing compared with the barrage of dramz in other subplots.

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"Buy ten spatulas and get the eleventh for just one penny! [ding!]"

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Private Squeef reports for duty, apparently unaware that a Beefy T the color of a limited-edition menstrual-cramp-flavored Starburst is not regulation.

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"Sorry you got rioted, Henry. Would you like me to Bransplain how you should feel about that? Because that's kind of my specialty."

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Let us all take a moment to enjoy this, the one time Donna "stuff" improved a doofy subplot.

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Here comes the briiiiide / All dressed in yiiiiiikes.

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Gum Wars: An Ew Hope.

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One of the only redeeming elements of this GIF, in which Brandon clearly expects Henry to have consulted him on any hiring but his own, is Ohhhhhndrea's obvious glee in Bran's discomfiture.

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Steve's "you suck" smirk is art.

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Not shown: the smaller belt buckles orbiting this one. ...Just kidding! There WERE no smaller belt buckles back then!

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It sort of undercuts the serious tone of the scene when one of your leads looks like a funny-cars parachute.

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"Nothing, just posing on the beach with my Perrier label facing to camera."

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Sand, meet vagina.

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I mean, if even Brandon's shellacky Reagan 'do is whipping around? That is too windy to shoot. Not too windy for the patented Brandescension faces, though.

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The brow pop. The lip-purse. Unbearable.

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"HAAAAaaeeehh...no."

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"Massive, but pleasingly consistent with previous set-design elements, penny for your thoughts."

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Aw, look who remembered the Spring Dance, Brenda's love of horses, and her PTSD-jamas!

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It's a shame Jim got all dadded up in the dadliest dad duds that ever dadded, only to bark up the wrong tree.

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"Behold my knees of disappointment, which upon further consideration are probably what I deserve for always capitulating to my children's spoiled foolishness."

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Jim's goofy grin here reminds us of our own when we remember Henry didn't clear this with Vice President Cockface either.

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Gum Wars: The Empire Smacks Back.

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Get a cabana, you two.

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...They must have, since Brenda's lustrously perfect blowout is miraculously back in play.

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Gum Wars: Re-Churn Of The Jaw-di. SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH, PRIESTLEY, FUCK.

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"Narm."

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Hee! You ain't kiddin', Taylor.

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Maybe Brenda could bring her bags in herself if she weren't clinging to her elbows again, some more. Here's an idea: how about communicating your sadness via...acting.

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"If I admit I shot Tony Soprano in the finale, will you send that little brat out here already?"

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Nice continuity re: Mr. Pony, but that doesn't mean someone shouldn't have directed Carol Potter to ease up on the sad-Linus face.

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I saaaaiiiid BRRR! It's COLD in here! [clap] There must! Be some Dylan! In the at-mos-phere! [clap]

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For Law & Order Week we ask:

Which item in the Visual Aids would make the best/most surprising murder weapon for New York cops to come across in an investigation?

  • spatula
  • Brandon's hard hair
  • Brandon's gum (when he or someone else chokes on it)
  • Kelly's belt buckle
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