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On A Scale Of Crackerjack To Memento, How'd The Best Ink Premiere Rate?

Now with bonus Buntsy reality-challenge rant!

I've boiled down last night's Best Ink for you so you can tell whether it's cheap, flimsy, and not worth it; or a solid watch. Below, the best bits and quotes from the third-season premiere.

Intro/Welcome

An unusually high proportion of white folk with dreadlocks, even for this demographic, waits for Pete Wentz to not stagily at all drive up to them in the middle of the desert in a yellow hot rod. Various contestants are young, experienced, intimidated, not intimidated, and motivated by their children.

Flash Challenge

Creature creator and Face Off judge Glenn Hetrick drops by to judge the inkers' work in the FC: bring your assigned one of the seven deadly sins to life in a blah blah could we please for the love of beer and skittles retire the seven deadlies as a reality-challenge framework? It's on everything from interior-design shows to cook-offs, nobody knows how to do "sloth" within the constraints, and it's hacky. Enough.

…Okay, Amy actually wins with her sloth painting, which is a photo-realistic rendition of a heart that is the moon, trying to pull a sleeping heart on the beach like the tides? ...My point. The next time I have to watch a Top Chef try to make a wrath flan, I'm quitting everything.

Ink Challenge

Typical Best Ink: starts with a good idea (pick one of these four icons of tattooing -- a dagger, a rose, a skull, or a heart -- to showcase your fundamental skills) and sinks the soufflé with an unnecessary additional element (…oh, and also include your deadly sin).

The skins basically get to pick the element and which sin they want to work with, but: see above.

Biggest Gap Between Challenge Brief And Tattoo Art

Lara decides she's adding a mandala to her client's hippo-skull design, because Lara Does Mandalas. She explains about how it's going to be awesome while her skin mentally pre-cuffs his t-shirts so as to hide the cheesily literal spiritual symbol he apparently isn't empowered to ixnay.

Dramz

Izzi loses her fight with the printer and refuses to freehand for her client, and her client's like, so I'm really freaking out now because you refuse to draw, and Izzi has no response, just sits there staring at the printer.

…Which is a theme this week, as Joe Capobianco rolls up to Lara and asks a few questions and makes a few comments, and Lara says nothing. Not "thanks for the tip," not "tryin' to work here," no eye contact, nada.

Tattoo I Would Consider Copying

Amy's. The judges bag on it for lack of clarity but I like the concept.

Client Who's Saving For Laser

Carey's. Watery line work, incoherent composition…it's prison shit.

Judging

Darnell, May May, and Karly finish at the top, with Karly the winner. They pick Izzi, Carey, and Lara as their bottom three; no issues with that or with the judges' comments, for the most part.

Carey is sent home, correctly.

Quote Du Jour

"I don't want to admit that I'm a Fall Out Boy fan, because 15-year-old girls like Fall Out Boy. But…I'm a Fall Out Boy fan." -- Danny

Crackerjack Or Memento?

Too many artists to keep their shit straight; bloated, slow first half; low levels of Capobianco dudgeon. Crackerjack.

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