Below Deck Gets Bitchy

Ben literally shows his ass, Sierra figuratively shows hers, and Lauren and Nico board the Fireball express.

Kyle comes out, again, some more, to more of the crew -- interspersed with talking-heads in which he says he doesn't care who he gets with, so why should anyone else, like, agreed, but so then why bring it up at all? Oh, right: a producer told him to. Not sure who told Sierra it's a good look to get salty at Kyle, then call him a queen when he's trying to explain that something she's blaming him for is actually Kelley's doing (and if that's confusing, I concur, but I really can't be shagged to untangle it because even if it weren't contrived, it's Sierra, and I can't with that), but: nope.

The lead-up to a guest-requested "drag show" that is nearly derailed by Kyle not realizing he's allergic to umami is seemingly endless, though I enjoyed watching Kate and Nico team up with glitter and Red Bull to get Kyle kitted out and in performance shape. I also enjoyed Ben's butt.


You'll have to take my unpixelated word for it. Hee.

Who's a light-up boa and who made me want to boa-rf this week? Your Below Dick rankings, first to worst:

  1. Kate
    Her businesslike application of pink glitter to Kyle's beard while he's sleeping off a post-uni antihistamine is pretty great, and she's having a better hair week than usual. I agree that it's not great for Ben to go around her to Emily for opinions on whether a dish is fit for serving, but she rises above (with the help of Cheetos, obviously).
  2. Captain Lee
    More supportive of Kelley's efforts this week, and his drive-by burn on the primary as a "fashion stylist and personal shopper, which means she probably married wealth" is second-degree.
  3. Kelley
    Phrasing Kyle's attraction to trans women as "your personal beliefs" is a little weird? But then, Kyle's announcement was a little weird and stagey. He's trying to get his quality-management on this week -- speaking to Nico privately and with chill about Nico throwing him under the bus at the tip meeting; throwing Kyle and Sierra together in the hopes that they'd work shit out -- but just doesn't get great results. Well, except in the sparkly-lion-cosplay department.


    Semper fuchsia.

  4. Kyle
    I would have told Kate/the guests to kick rocks with the drag show after dealing with an allergic reaction, so I respect Kyle's the-show-must-go-on attitude...and anti-Sierra attitude, although since he did ask her on that date, he might walk the silent treatment back just a few steps in the interests of Valor harmony. (Let's not even get into the fact that evidently he's in a relationship, and that his lady back home made him feel like he belonged somewhere for the first time, like, how bored are you that you have to spend an afternoon with Space Cadette over there?)

    All of that said, I have to tip my hat to a guy who will request use of the master suite so he can jerk off.


    Not that that worked out for him.

  5. Ben
    Ben's excessively cagey about his date with Emily when Kate asks about it, and should probably go with Kate's judgment of whether conch is too chewy over Emily's, but he livened up the ep by dropping trou on the dock. I don't think I see why we spent quite so much time on the lead-up to his brother's arrival, but I guess that pays off next time?
  6. Nico
    I wonder what we don't see vis-a-vis the deck crew that makes him quite this unwilling to accept Kelley's authoritah. I didn't think Kelley's request for Nico to take those sorts of issues to the captain privately was unreasonable, but Nico wasn't having it.


    And I don't know that someone who thinks this is a great idea


    gets to put his own judgment ahead of anyone else's, but if the previews are accurate, I guess we'll find out.

  7. The guests
    I'm all for dick humor, but it should be 1) humorous and 2) paired with a decent tip. But they brought along cute pups that didn't get seasick, so I guess that's something.
  8. Emily
  9. Lauren
    Pounding Fireball with Nico in the master suite when Kyle's trying to have some private time, she manages to separate a bathroom wall panel while horsing around with Ben. Still thinks it's her place to sniff that Kelley sending Kyle to see Sierra is "so unprofessional," though.
  10. Sierra
    Emily tells Sierra Kyle's deal, and Sierra asks if that makes him gay. Shut up, Sierra. Later, when he's trying to explain that he only got into the guest-transport kerfuffle -- caused by her, as far as I could see, since she elected to coo at a sea turtle instead of listening to Kate's instructions for organizing the beach picnic -- because Kelley told him to, she snots about his dramatics and calls him a queen. Shut up, Sierra.
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