The Daniel-San Also Rises On Below Deck Mediterranean

But who's plummeting in our BDM power rankings?

Is anyone else having trouble understanding what exactly Danny is supposed to do, besides what he's doing? The guests wanted him to come to the beach and procure chicks for them, which is gross, but it's not Danny's fault that it's gross. Bryan has plenty of sniffy things to day about what is and isn't Danny's job, but nothing to say as far as Danny not fulfilling his deckhand duties, so at least in this case, he's not neglecting his actual job description in favor of guest service. Danny rounding up an additional eight mouths to feed (and lubricate) (merely figuratively, thank the Lord) is not awesome from the interior crew's perspective, but again, it's what the guests wanted, and he did pull some padding for a mediocre tip. Should he have a different job, on a different kind of boat? Maybe. Is his laugh annoying? Sure is. But if the aspect of Danny that's actually galling everyone else is that he's enjoying his work, everyone needs to get over it.

I mean, including Jerry and his merry band of creepers, kind of, but still.


Seriously, girl.

We begin the episode with Hannah fighting a migraine, and end it with her giving the entire table an Un! Comfortable! stroke. Who's the biggest Below Dick this week? Your Rankling!

  1. Captain Mark
    His attitude of tolerant bemusement towards the guests and their collective man-crush on "Daniel-san" is the only workable one, and he's complimentary of how the crew handled an unexpected infusion of dinner guests, which is how you manage people, Bryan.
  2. Julia
    Cute hairstyles; no objection.
  3. Ben
    Rises admirably to the challenge of feeding 13 drunk idiots; rises rather more regrettably to the challenge of fueling one drunk Hannah's self-righteous and humorless fire when she decides to have what amounts to a Define The Relationship talk at the dinner table. This isn't a conversation you want to have, son. Go to the men's and stay there until she finds another target.
  4. Danny
    Danny broke his ass to give the guests what they asked for, and got nothing but shit for it in response, so I don't blame him for snarking on Hannah, not least because: shut up, Hannah. His burn on her is painfully dumb, both in content and in the way it's guaranteed to set her on the warpath against him permanently because blah blah chain of command, but he's not wrong that she's a shit-starter.
  5. Jen
    I can also think of someone to punch in the face, Jen, and I think your target selection is right on. I don't know what to take from the slack-line kerfuffle, because I don't think the editors know enough about what's going on during a docking maneuver to communicate the problems and/or who's at fault to the viewer. Should Jen have tightened her line, or did Bryan trip over his own self-importance boner for a tricky port entry ("that's what she said") and create a problem where none existed, based on impressions of his staff that he's not big-minded enough to change once he's formed them?
  6. Tiffany
    "Danny keeps talking about helping us, but it would be super-cool if he actually helped us." A-plus snide delivery of that line, but again, I don't see how he's supposed to help you when Hannah keeps clenching about his getting in her way in the galley.
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  8. Bobby
    ...Hee, and I feel for him having to stand around in the sun watching these imbeciles get sloppy, then listen to a bunch of bellowing about how Danny's the man and he's "a pretender," but the constant eye-rolling at Danny continues not to be a great look.
  9. Hannah
    She gets a couple good lines -- the stews' dresses have shrunk in the wash, so Hannah's obliged to warn Julia not to bend over, or "by the time you get back up you'll be pregnant with this lot" -- but the word is not pronounced "expresso," for the love of little apples, and if you think a migraine will put a crimp in her controlling style, think again. She drags herself out of bed to micromanage "her" boat, and jumps up Ben's ass about sending the food out too quickly as soon as the beach girls leave the boat, like that group cares about overlapping courses in the first place. She's a bitch about Danny showing pictures to guests on his phone; she makes it out like she's torn between Ben and Bobby, like either has shown an interest in her That Way; she doesn't read the room during the crew's night out, and gets into it with Ben, then stomps off grouching at the cameras to get away from her. Good thing for her there's an even bigger pill in the floating pharmacy, Bryan.
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  11. The guests
  12. Bryan
    "Great," more grandiose and hypocritical blathering from fucking Bryan about Jen's poor motivation and entitlement, Danny's job description, and his own management style. Nobody cares, Ball Chin. Stow it.
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