Everyone Has To Lead The Life Of Bryan On Below Deck Med

Plus Danny spikes a fever and Jen hits cuke overload.

I'm starting to feel like Danny's lawyer over here, but a couple of things in his defense, starting with: I acknowledge that he's not everyone's cup of appletini, but of all the ill-advised things he might do, sicking out is just not one of them. Bobby's immediate assumption that he's faking it is of a piece with Bobby's perhaps overcommitted distaste for his bunkie, but makes no sense, as Danny is the most enthusiastic, least hangover-prone member of the crew.

The other thing is clocking him for showing guests photos of other guests on his phone. Should he have his phone on him while he's on-duty? No. He's a deckhand; he needs to give the job his full attention for safety reasons. But as far as the "discretion" Hannah and Captain Mark keep banging on about, the thing is that they're on a television show, these people. And if I'm not mistaken, he shared photos of women who had come on the Princess for a photo shoot. AND if it were that out of line, Captain Mark would have heard about it from a guest, not from Hannah, who has taken it upon herself to "annihilate" Danny, because that's a good use of your energy.

I would have to assume non-televised charters have strict rules for staff re: social media and use of their phones on-shift, which is understandable and appropriate. This is not that, so maybe Hannah could focus her energies on coming in first for one of her coworkers' sexual attentions?

ChildishGambino / GIPHY

ChildishGambino / GIPHY

Who's the biggest Below Dick this week? Your Rankling!

  1. Julia
    Props for approaching Bryan after his midnight madness and telling him in so many words that he gets aggressive with a couple of drinks in him, he can't loom over a woman like that, and she doesn't "want to be confronted by you that way again." She's not mad or whiny, just plainspoken that it isn't on, which even Bryan has to respect.
  2. Ben
    Ben's sly "What's easier for me?" in response to Hannah's soggy question about whether they're friends or work colleagues (yes, she asks again; no, it's no fun to watch) is pretty much everything she needs to know about him and how he thinks of her, but she won't let it drop, so Ben -- understanding in a way I didn't initially that by "friends," Hannah means "with benefits -- gathers his nards and tells her he'd prefer work colleagues. The short-term fallout from that (Hannah's sobbing after Ben weaves off, like, have you...watched the show before? Everyone knows you don't get attached to this one. Come on, man) is a little uncomf, but he's not going to be BF/GF with her, so cutting that off now is best. Ben's also the only one who seems to have any inkling, or interest in the fact, that Danny should see a doctor.
  3. The guests
    Excited, complimentary, easygoing bunch of ladies eager to learn how to jetski and very into s'mores that look like a From The Files Of Haribo PD crime scene.
  4. Tiffany
    A little surprised that she doesn't take up more strongly against Bryan when Julia and Hannah share about his Queeg moment from the night before, but otherwise, no objection.
  5. Captain Mark
    My notes read "yr ON THE TEEVEE gmafb re: discret" and I stand by that, but Mark has a better attitude than the rest of the crew as far as turning it into a teaching moment. Confiscating Danny's phone isn't necessarily a move designed to foster forward-thinking maturity, punishing the kid for acting too much like a kid, but it's delivered directly and without rancor, which is more than two thirds of Mark's direct reports could say.
  6. Danny
    Starts out strong by observing of Hannah that she always has some shit to say about people to other people, but is then given homework by Bryan in which he has to write down what he thinks Bryan thinks he should work on. That is Total Quality Ballchinagement right there. Shut up, Bryan. ...Anyway, then he's clocked by Captain Mark, and then he gets sick, so most of what we see of him this week is a lumpen blob of waffle blanket.
  7. Bobby
    We get it. Danny's a drag. I do appreciate his "blech" faces as he's trying to change and get out of the bunk ASAP without catching any Danny cooties, because it me, but letting Hannah snuggle on him, then telling Julia about it because (and he only tells us this part) he still wants to have something with Julia in the's like when Brian Krakow negs Delia Fisher for Angela. Cringing over here.
  8. 2016-06-29-bdm-header
  9. Jen
    Leave us out of it, yeah?

    ...See last week's comments. A better understanding on the production's part of whether Bryan's impatience with her is warranted or is just Bryan would make better TV. She does tell Bobby that in two weeks Julia's going to have forgotten all about him, implying that maybe he should look to do the same; it's not her fault he's not trying to hear that.

  10. Hannah
    Tattles on Danny after vowing to destroy him; gets her naked breasts right up close to Bobby knowing that he won't resist them; doesn't know how to pronounce "s'mores" and in fact has never even heard of them. That second thing, I don't judge her, but it's vicariously painful to watch knowing how it's going to get packaged at the reunion. If you have to try that hard with a guy when it's just snogs, it's never really going to get easier. I like that she's willing to get right up in Bryan's face and tell him to fuck off, though.
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  12. Bryan
    This bitch. Between the writing exercise, the drunkenly rousting Julia after midnight to clean the crew mess and then refusing to get out the goddamn way when she's trying for some reason to do exactly what he ordered her to, the self-satisfied "I will be a dick; I'm not sorry for that" talking-head, and the micromanaging focus on Jen's knots, he's the worst, again. SHUT UP, BRYAN.
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