Bachelor In Paradise Takes Several Knees In The Season Finale
Some of the remaining couples end up engaged! But who were this season's ultimate winners and losers?
- Evan & Carly
Carly is expecting a proposal from Evan! And Evan is ready to propose! But first, he must sit down with Neil Lane to choose a gaudy ring from Neil's personal cache. Finally, after some pacing on the beach, Evan's ready to propose to the lady he's been dating for a few weeks! When Carly arrives at the beachside proposal gangway/rose plinth, Evan launches into a teary, overblown speech about their great love story (which, just for reference, has spanned all of two weeks and change). After spewing forth a lot of nonsense about souls and fairy tales, Evan kneels and asks Carly to "freakin' marry [him]," and she accepts. ...Fine, I guess. I mean, the show expects us, its viewers/victims, to be thrilled for these two since they're arguably the least offensive of the remaining four couples, but least worst on this show is a very low bar, indeed. To wit: Evan says, out loud, "Hashtag blessed" after securing Carly's assent to his proposal. Listen, I know we don't do public caning in this country, but all I'm saying is maybe we should consider it?
- Nick & Jennifer
Waking up in a resort where she has no responsibilities other than to bone a virtual stranger and eat breakfast in bed, Jen feels like she and Nick are just a "normal couple," living a normal life! Nick, meanwhile, muses that he and Jen "could be the next Jade and Tanner," which is, of course, the ultimate goal for every married couple in the world. Later, Nick goes to meet with Neil Lane and tells him that Jen is "really something," which is the saddest compliment one could possibly give a romantic partner.
Later, at the proposal landing, Jen gives Nick a very generic speech about how much she cares about him, while Nick studiously avoids eye contact with her. By the time she says she's "fallen in love with [him]," Nick is fully staring at the ground. She wraps up her speech and they both start crying. Nick says, through sobs, that he wishes he could tell his heart to choose Jen, but something's telling him to say goodbye. Jen looks utterly devastated. Guys, you've gone on, like, three dates. IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
As Jen drives away from Paradise in a van, she says she thinks Nick "threw away something that could have been great." Nick, meanwhile, says he needs to figure out how to "untie" his heart, which is "in knots"! Being on TV way more should help, right?
- Grant & Lace
Grant feels "very weird in a bad way" after waking up in the Fantasy Suite with Lace, and it's not just because Lace's eighteen pairs of false eyelashes really didn't hold up overnight. He suspects he hasn't had enough important conversations with Lace before potentially getting engaged. Lace is having her own doubts, wondering, and I quote: "Why did we get tattoos if we were going to get up the next morning and question whether we should get engaged or not?" Please parse that sentence for logic. I dare you. Lace also thinks that if she and Grant don't get engaged, they're "probably not going to make it," which is, of course, the best reason to get engaged.
Down at the ol' proposal plinth, Lace tells Grant that the last time she saw him, they "left questionable," which is not English. She gives him a bunch of compliments and adds that she's "ready to move forward." Grant then talks at her for a while, eventually bringing his longwinded speech in for a landing on a proposal. Lace accepts! This will definitely last! Thank God they got those tattoos!
- Amanda & Josh
Josh makes Amanda so happy! She likes talking with him about everything! And their love is so crazy! She is so excited to imagine her life with him! And stuff! As Josh and Amanda laze around the Fantasy Suite, she notes that mornings with him are different than at home, because at home, her children are there. Josh pretends not to find the idea of Amanda's children's presence gross, and that seems to be enough for Amanda. SO IN LOVE.
Amanda is ready to be proposed to, already! She gets to the beach and tells Josh she's ready to "welcome [him] into [her] little family." She adds that she's excited to "leave here and do real life with [him]." Josh, sparkling with sweat, then puts on the fake-crying performance of a lifetime as he tells Amanda that he "never really knew what true love was" before he met her. Sure! He finally gets on one knee and proposes, and she accepts. If there's one thing to be said for Amanda and Josh, it's that they really and truly deserve each other. (Amanda's kids, however, don't deserve either of them. Sorry, kids. Tough break.)