Lisa Schmeiser

Lisa Schmeiser fell into a newsroom by accident in the 1990s, and hasn't been off deadline since. Her writing has appeared in the Minneapolis City Pages, the San Francisco Chronicle, Slate, Television Without Pity, Investor's Business Daily, Macworld, and TechHive.

The Wrong Man Is The Iron Fist, And The Right One's Standing Next To Him

Lisa Schmeiser's not a crackpot. S01.E11 just convinced her that an ancient order of monks and their immortal dragon really screwed up when they picked Danny Rand over Davos. Fortunately, this can be changed. 2017.03.23S01.E11

Live, Laugh And Love With The Wisdom Of Iron Fist's Madame Gao

The real star of Iron Fist is an elderly woman who scatters her pearls of wisdom before ungrateful swine. But we can surely appreciate all she has to offer in S01.E09. 2017.03.22S01.E09

Shark Tank Bets Big On The Lizard People

To celebrate the 'We've funded $100 million in businesses!' milestone, the show trots out a group of young entrepreneurs to school Friday-night viewers on our economic future. 2017.02.25S08.E18

The Affair Ends Its Season With A French Reconnection

Look, it's been a long season. You'd take a road trip, too, if it meant getting away from Noah. ...What? Noah's here, too? Oh, man. 2017.01.29S03.E10

The Affair Has A Requiem For A Daydream

What if you spent an entire season thinking that someone else was out to get you, when all the time it was you, you pill-addled nincompoop? Noah's about to find out. 2017.01.22S03.E09

The Affair Goes Cole Mining

After a string of Noah-focused episodes -- don't worry, he still gets mentioned at every opportunity -- The Affair turns its attention back to Alison and Cole, and stumbles with how it's handling one of those characters. But probably not the one you're thinking. 2017.01.15S03.E08

The Affair Learns You Can't Go Home Again

'This is supposed to be a happy occasion, and as usual, Noah Solloway is ruining it,' declares Bruce Butler, who could be referring to dinners, homecomings, and furtive snoggings with Max and still be accurate. 2017.01.01S03.E06

Noah And Alison Hop In A Hot Tub Time Machine On The Affair

Alison spends the day with Noah to finally put her foot down on the future of their relations. Nope, she's really going to do it. Watch her put her foot down. Any minute now. With special bonus hallucinogenic appearance by Brendan Fraser. 2016.12.18S03.E05

How Thrilled Are We To Finally Have A He-Said-She-Said Story On The Affair Again?

The show finally remembers one of the gimmicks that makes it watchable, but forgets to answer a half-dozen burning questions in this episode. 2016.12.11S03.E04

When The Affair Thinks About Noah, It Touches Itself

All you need to know about this episode -- and perhaps this series -- is contained in the segment in which a character reads Noah's book and is moved to self-pleasure. 2016.12.04S03.E03

The Affair Presents Helen's Sex Troll

Helen is leasing the bottom floor of her brownstone to that nice Dr. Vik, who pays her in both cash and sweet, sweet loving. Who could be dissatisfied with this arrangement? Since this is The Affair: everyone. 2016.11.27S03.E02

The Affair Returns With Noah's Arc

It's all Noah all the time, as the season premiere of The Affair devotes its energies to everyone's favorite adulterous jailbird. 2016.11.20S03.E01

Who Runs Lucifer's World? Girls

A pivotal episode in the series shows how much the Prince of Darkness relies on the women in his life to guide him and comfort him -- and what the fallout is when he ignored one and let himself be manipulated by another. 2016.10.31S02.E06

Listening To People Is So Last Season -- And So Is Getting Money For Your Company On PR: Fashion Startup

When two out of three would-be fashion moguls can't make a deal, it's less a reflection of the deal-making climate and more a sign that good ideas and business sense don't always go together. 2016.10.28S01.E02

O Brother, Where Art Thy Wings?, Lucifer Asks

This is the week we get introduced to a third heavenly sibling, Uriel, and Lucifer tries to get his big brother Amenadiel to fix his problems for him. Unfortunately, he just ends up creating more trouble for himself. 2016.10.25S02.E05

Parker's Syrup Can't Lose On Shark Tank

Or can it? But at least delicious maple spread has some greater use in the wider world, unlike some other products in this episode. 2016.10.22S08.E05

Black Mirror's 'Nosedive' Could Be Your Guide To De-Pinteresting Your Life

Lisa Schmeiser is not a crackpot. She just thinks this episode illustrates that the primary peril of social media is not how it warps your social interactions, but how it muffles your sense of style. 2016.10.21S03.E01

Should Your Regular Plans Include Man With A Plan?

Well, there's no way it could be as bad as Joey, could it? Oh, man...oh God...what if it is? Somebody check in on Matt LeBlanc. 2016.10.20S01.E01

Raise Your Glass To New Friendships On Lucifer

Lucifer tries to distract everyone else in an effort to avoid his own troubles, which is how he engineers a girls' night out for Chloe, and a boys' night out for himself, his brother and Detective Douche. 2016.10.18S02.E04

When Even Lucifer Thinks Your Thirst For Vengeance Is A Bit Too Much, You've Crossed A Line

Lucifer discovers that people put some really awful things online, and while he approves of these trolls' fiery immolations, he's not so keen on anyone actually enjoying bringing the wrath. 2016.10.11S02.E03