Michael Becker / Fox

American Idol Cuts Down To Its Final Top Three

As usual, the wrong person goes home because America makes bad choices for bad reasons.

Well, here we are: everywhere and nowhere at the same time. With just one week left, what will Idol's legacy be? Kelly Clarkson? Carrie Underwood? Or Dalton Rapattoni? It could go either way, but just like the Republican primary, the crazy ain't over yet, and there's still a bit more of this story to write. For now, here's how the Top Three fall on the spectrum:

Ryan Watch

7

With unemployment just one short week away, Seacrest's light scruff, charcoal suit, and unbuttoned white shirt (or light blue? It's hard to tell with the lights) signals just how ready he is for it. I hate to say that it's sort of a hot look, but...it's sort of a hot look, in a "finance bro on vacation in Monte Carlo way." Like, you know he's only going to talk about himself, but the jawline justifies it for a short while. But also -- can we talk about how Trent's small dog falls asleep in Ryan's arms? I'm slightly concerned that it's dead now.

Schadenfreude (Or, Stupid Is As Stupid Does)

10

First, Scott Borchetta wakes up Thursday morning. Then he puts on a black velvet paisley jacket, with embroidery that reads "Music Has Value." Then he tries to sabotage La'Porsha by giving her a song he knows she hates. So much fail and so little man; how is it even possible?

Talent Pool

9

For what it's worth, Dalton, MacKENZIE, La'Porsha, and Trent are greatly humanized by Hometown Heroes week. All four seem appropriately humbled by all the attention, even if Dalton would have been better off skipping the bleach job at his grandma's salon (do they not believe in leave-in conditioner?) and never, ever mentioning his mom's ketchup and grape jelly meatballs (I have so many questions that I never want to learn the answers to). KENZIE makes time to stop at the hospital that treated him for the virus that ended his high school basketball career, and Trent returns to wait tables at a restaurant that looks like a sad VFW club. (Maybe the food's good?) And there are parades! They all seem to like that part, even though there's not nearly enough confetti.

Let's Get Woke

10

If it's possible to out-fierce Beyonce on Ivy Park Announcement Day, La'Porsha does just that, all while wearing the same sequined-sleeve gown I'm pretty sure Kate Winslet has in her closet, even though I can't find photographic evidence to prove it.

She makes the time to visit a domestic violence shelter during her trip home, and then has the following, perfect exchange with a random family member:

Rando: We can't tell you how proud we are.

La'Porsha: You can show me, by feeding me!

...I know, right? So perfect.

But then she sings a trifecta of perfect songs ("Glory," "Stay With Me," and "Hello"), while also showing up Scott Borchetta by declaring the meaning of "Stay With Me" to be pathetic, and proudly stating that she "would never tell a woman to beg." The judges and crowd go wild at her proclamation, so maybe the Borch should re-think his nefarious plotting. Unless he wants her to win, that is.

Well, That's Awkward

2

Dalton's cover of "Dancing In The Dark" sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of an early Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes movie...

...but they sadly don't make teen films like Freaky Friday or She's The Man anymore.

Guitars: Fashion Or Function?

5

Can anyone explain Keith's hip movements?

It looks like he's using his multi-neck guitar as a crutch.

Goodbye My Friend

8

MacKENZIE sadly bites the dust this week (though he'll still be around next week for the inevitable group numbers). It's sweet that he automatically knew he was out once it was down to him and La'Porsha, though Seacrest didn't exactly help matters by giving him an oddly specific pep talk before even beginning to announce the Top Three. Still, while MacKENZIE's cover of "Hallelujah" is perfectly passable, it's clear that he was scraping the barrel in terms of originality (Jeff Buckley is dead and his latest video is still more innovative).

Unanswered Mysteries Of A Shallow Kind

6

Do the editors realize we can tell time by La'Porsha's hair? The Ray Romano thing was clearly taped weeks ago, when she still had her glorious afro. Where can I get Dalton's pink moto jacket and/or Trent's heather gray hat? Was Harry wearing a black tie with a navy suit? And do you mean tonight, boo boo, club-wise?

Programming Note: Next week's two-part, three-hour finale will air on Wednesday, April 6th from 8-9 PM ET, and Thursday, April 7th from 8-10.

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