Here Comes The Triple Cross
Skye feels betrayed, even though it's Coulson who has actual traitors in his midst. It's only a matter of time before one of them turns out to be a secret good guy, though.
Skye has superpowers! She's had them for a few episodes in a row now, but it's still worth mentioning. So far, all they do is cause uncontrollable earthquakes, and everyone's freaked out about it. It's all they can talk about, which is why no one has noticed that Mack and Bobbi are engaged in a double-agent thing. Mack kidnapped Hunter in the last episode, but that just made everyone wonder why it was so quiet and peaceful all of a sudden. Oh! And do you remember Agent Ward? Okay, just checking.
Ain't No Party Like A Pulp Fiction Party
What's the occasion? Agent Ward and Agent 33 are back on the show, and they're celebrating the occasion with some classic diner food.
What are the refreshments? Pumpkin pancakes with pecan syrup. That sounds prety good, but they're strictly theoretical. The pancakes never even show up, because Ward and 33 decide to reenact that scene in Pulp Fiction with Amanda Plummer and Tim Roth.
Who wins the metaphorical game of charades? This random doctor dude over here that Ward and 33 are here to kidnap. The pumpkin pancakes were just a red herring.
I Am Not A Crackpot
Dear Mister President, People Need To Stop Whining About Having Amazing Superpowers. I Am Not A Crackpot!
According to movies and television shows, the worst thing in the world is to wake up and discover that you have some kind of amazing superpower. Tobey Maguire spent half his run as Spider-Man moping about how awful it was to be super-strong, super-agile, super-attractive, and super-sticky. X-Men mutants won't shut up about the tragedy of suddenly being able to shoot lasers out of their eyes. And now Skye is bummed out because she can break the laws of physics. Led by Simmons, the whole team is pretty sure that these earthquakes can only be bad. After all, what possible application could superpowers possibly be when you're facing bad guys with superpowers? Even though the people on this show are fully aware of that time the Avengers saved New York, they all consider gaining superpowers to be about the worst thing that could happen. There should be more people excited about getting superpowers. I am not a crackpot.
We Should Fire Skye
Who called the meeting? Agent Melinda May.
What's it about? She's delivering her report to Coulson about what's to be done about Skye.
How'd it go? May would like to take Skye out of the field, and probably remove her from SHIELD entirely. Not that that's terribly likely to happen, since Skye is still basically the main character of the show. Coulson won't hear of it, which makes one wonder why he wanted to have Skye psychoanalyzed in the first place if he was just going to ignore Blair Underwood's recommendation.
What's Wrong With Your Face?
Alert Type: Gross Facial Surgery Alert.
Issue: Agent 33's facial camouflage thing has been malfunctioning since May kicked her in the face, so this doctor from the diner is fixing it.
Complicating Factors: It's been fun having Ming-Na Wen play both a hero and a villain, but the whole point of Agent 33 is that she's supposed to be able to take on any face. So it's time to mix things up.
Resolution: The extremely scientific (or possibly magical; I wasn't really paying attention when they explained how it worked) chameleon-face thing on Agent 33 works again, but it can store only three faces at a time. And it can't return her to her original face, because she doesn't remember what it was.
Spoiler: When there's a character with a changing face, you can be sure that there will be merry mix-ups and hijinx galore. Incidentally, "Hijinx Galore" would be a good name for a character in a children's version of James Bond.
Oh, Hey! It's...You Guys!
Situation: Mack is introducing Hunter to his secret other team, led by Edward James Olmos.
What makes it awkward? They call themselves "The Real SHIELD," and they came together because they didn't like the way Coulson was getting so weird about alien writing and cities. They claim to be devoted to transparency, which is a little weird for a group so secret that no one even knows about their existence. Maybe they're so transparent that they're completely invisible?
How is order restored? Hunter is cranky, but willing to hear everyone out. Mack and Bobbi both seem to a true believers, but that probably just means one of them is a double-double agent. Because there's nothing this show loves more than revealing that someone is Not What They Seem and shouting "Gotcha!" at the audience.
Cool Holoscreens, Phil.
The heck with plot and dialogue and recaps. Sometimes, you just want to look at some cool 3-D holoscreen interfaces.
Coulson won't tell Skye where he's taking her, even when it's too late for her to back out. Instead they share some beef jerky on the way to Nick Fury's Secret Cabin.
A Safe House In The Woods
Q: Why exactly did Nick Fury have a secret cabin surrounded by laser fences?
A: It's for people with superpowers who need to relax. According to Coulson, Steve Rogers spent some time out here after he was restored to consciousness.
Q: What's Skye going to do here?
A: Nothing! She's supposed to just be in exile and see if she can control her earthquaking.
Q: Is there anything that's been included that could make Skye feel even worse?
A: Of course! Simmons has sent along some gloves that will inhibit Skye's new powers through the simple technique of shocking her whenever she accidentally starts using them. And the only drawback is that there are side effects that Coulson doesn't have time to mention. So that sounds fun!
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
It's Time To Get Weird
Agent 33 has gotten a handle on her face-changing thing, which is called a Nanomask. And she decides it's time to thank Ward for all the help he's been giving her, so she naturally changes her face to Skye's and proceeds to make out with him. It turns out Ward is not into that at all, either because he thinks Skye is yucky or because he doesn't want to make out with a fake version of her.
BrainteaserQ You are General Talbot, and you know that there's someone sneaking around your base with the ability to change his/her face. When presented with thirteen women, how many tries will it take you to find the spy?A At least fourteen, because it apparently didn't occur to you that the spy you're looking for was wearing a slightly baggy uniform and the face of a man. And by the time you figure out who was being impersonated (probably by finding his dead body in a supply closet), the spy will have vanished.
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
The Life Of A Spy Isn't Easy
Hunter and Bobbi have had a complicated relationship, mostly because Hunter's kind of a jackass. But now that Hunter's been kidnapped by the secret "real SHIELD," she feels that it's time to clear the air with him. There are no more secrets or lies! Unfortunately, he thinks there have been so many lies up to this point that their relationship is beyond salvaging. She promises not to stop him from leaving, because there are plenty of fragile goons who can do that. Unsurprisingly, all the goons get walloped, and Hunter escapes...
...only to find that he's on an aircraft carrier. So it's a little hard to run to safety. Later, we'll hear that he stole a submersible pod, but there's no guarantee that he's not still on the carrier somewhere.
Wrap It Up
Everyone's angry about Hunter escaping, especially Agent Calderon, who I mention just so I can tell you that I always think of Kirk Acevedo as Alvarez from Oz. If someone was on Oz, that's the role I associate with them. Anyway, Bobbi wants to return to Regular SHIELD for six hours.
Agent 33 (who is now named "Carol," as though that's better than a number) and Ward have stolen Sunil Bakshi from General Talbot, and now they've tied him up and are showing him hypnotic videos. In theory, this could be the start of a pretty fun weekend, but something tells me they have something sinister in mind. That "something" is Carol, who explicitly announces that they'll be doing something evil.
And now Coulson is feeling kind of bad about exiling Skye to Fury's secret cabin. And he can tell that Mack is up to something. And he's just heard that Ward and Carol are actively messing with people. So he's kind of mopey.
For Dick Week we ask:
What are some other ways Skye's coworkers could be dicks to her?
- make her ring a bell and shout "I have earthquake powers!" before she enters any room
- keep telling her she "looks a little shaky"
- on a prearranged signal, everyone pretends the room is shaking by running back and forth like it's the bridge on Star Trek
- hunt her down in a misguided attempt to earn her love (Ward only)
- eat the last donut five seconds before she shows up