Screens: ABC

Family Ties

Skye resolves all her family issues, then probably develops a few more.

  • Previously

    Good news: I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, and I'm pleased to report that whatever nonsense I made up about it last week was 100% accurate in every way. But it doesn't have much bearing on the matter at hand, so let's try to focus. Mack quit the team, Morse got captured by Ward, and Jiaying tried to start a war by killing Gonzalez. Those are the highlights, anyway. Other stuff happened, too.

  • Wanted

    Wanted

    2015-05-13-shield-01

    for lying

    Name: Jiaying

    Last Seen: Going into a meeting with Robert Gonzalez, a famous guest star who was probably going to find an excuse not to be around next season.

    Likely Punishment: If she's not caught, Jiaying will get to stage a big war between her Inhumans and SHIELD. That might happen anyway.

    Reward: If you find her, you could probably get killed by someone who trusts her. Good luck!

  • Alert!
    2015-05-13-shield-02

    The Prophecy Has Come True

    Alert Type: Death From Above Alert.

    Issue: Gordon and his pals have stolen one of the SHIELD Quinjets. Which, BTW, happens all the time. Maybe they might want to put some kind of security on these things, because it can't be safe to have things that are both easily stolen and also bristling with weaponry.

    Complicating Factors: Immediately upon stealing the jet, the aforementioned weapons are directed at the Inhumans' village, thus fulfilling Raina's vision of SHIELD Quinjets raining fire down upon them.

    Resolution: Conveniently enough, the building upon which they've concentrated their fire has no people inside it. It does, however, have Gonzalez's body, so they're destroying evidence at the same time as they make it look like SHIELD is attacking them. There's no rule against getting more than one thing done at a time.

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    2015-05-13-shield-03

    Skye vs. SHIELD Dude

    Before we get into the details of this epic showdown, here's a warning: this is the two-part finale of a comic book television show. So there are going to be a LOT of fights. Get used to it!

    Okay, having said that, Skye is naturally outraged at seeing SHIELD attack Afterlife right after her mother got shot. And the audience needs to be reminded that Skye has been trained to be an expert at hand-to-hand combat, which means that it's bad news for this SHIELD dude.

    Winner: Skye, quickly.

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    2015-05-13-shield-04

    Skye vs. May

    Now that we all remember that Skye is a good fighter, she has to face Agent Melinda May, who's actually an expert. Skye's still full of anger, but that doesn't mean she can hang with May, who beats her down without even breaking a sweat.

    Winner: Actually, Skye wins this one, too. It turns out that having the power to fire VIBRO-RAYS (actual name TBD) trumps being able to punch really well.

  • Meeting Time
    2015-05-13-shield-05

    So, Do You Think This Obviously Fake Setup Is For Real Or What?

    Who called the meeting? Lincoln.

    What's it about? Lincoln is extremely unhappy with Skye for having brought SHIELD down on them. Skye, meanwhile would like to talk about how weird it is that her friends at SHIELD would attack them for no reason. She may have forgotten that time a few episodes ago when they attacked her for no reason, which is the reason she came to Afterlife in the first place.

    How'd it go? It's a little early in the episode to reach resolution, so it's mostly just the two of them shouting at each other until Jiaying tosses them out.

  • That Quote
    "I'm not here to talk botany!"
    - Skye, explaining to Raina that her position as the main character means that she has very little time for hobbies -
  • Alert!
    2015-05-13-shield-06

    I've Had Another Convenient Vision

    Alert Type: Convenient Metaphor Alert.

    Issue: Skye wants to know what Raina actually saw, and if she has any more information about the future she'd like to dole out.

    Complicating Factors: Now that Raina can see the future, she's getting really into speaking in vague riddles. It's one of the side effects no one ever talks about.

    Resolution: Raina promises that she's going to do right by Skye. But she does so in as elliptical a way as possible, saying that she'll be "the thorn that protects the rose. Or in this case, the Daisy." See, because Skye's birth name was "Daisy" and Raina is covered in spikes. A suspicious, cynical mind might allege that the only reason Raina got these time-consuming facial appliances was to justify that line.

    Spoiler: Raina's prediction is going to come true. Is it a spoiler when I say that, but not when she predicts it?

  • Hell No!
    2015-05-13-shield-07

    So...That's New

    Now that Jiaying's bullet wound has convinced everyone that war is inevitable, it's time for her to heal up with her well-known power of immortality. But it turns out that immortality comes with a price. The kind of price that involves draining people of their life force. Good heavens! Skye's mother, who we all assumed was a good person, is not turning out to be as maternal as advertised!

  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
    2015-05-13-shield-08

    Doctor Ward's Torture Needles

    How many times has this happened to you: you're all set to start torturing someone, when they start flailing around and complaining. Not only is it a real buzzkill, it makes it hard to torture with the precision a professional requires. The solution is Doctor Ward's Torture Needles! They're covered with a powerful paralytic to keep your victim from wiggling around. They also have an anesthetic, which might seem a little counter-productive. But the idea is that you can get all your needles in position, then do some standard villainous monologuing, and then the anesthetic will wear off. And that's when the torture kicks in!

  • That Quote
    "If I ever apologize or beg for mercy while you torture me, know that I don't mean a word of it."
    - Bobbi Morse, not planning on being a good torture victim -
  • Meeting Time
    2015-05-13-shield-09

    We're Running Out Of Recognizable Guest Stars

    Who called the meeting? Coulson.

    What's it about? SHIELD needs to decide if they're going to attack the Inhumans right away or what.

    How'd it go? Remember when the plan was for Coulson to be the Director while the council advised him? Well, Gonzalez is dead and Morse is missing. And the remaining council members don't have a lot of star power. There was a time when Edward James Olmos and Kirk Acevedo were on the show, but they're both dead. Their characters, I mean. So now the ranking member of the council is Agent Weaver, and I'm afraid I've never seen any of the work that Christine Adams has done before. So she just doesn't have the gravitas to order Coulson to attack right away. And this guy with the beard has been in a lot of episodes, but he's probably spoken about a half dozen words. The verdict is that they'll wait for three hours, by which time things will have gone completely nuts.

  • Dialogue

    Cal's Still Got It!

    Coulson knows perfectly well that Cal is only here because he's got some kind of dopey plan. And Cal is barely pretending that he doesn't. So the interrogation isn't all that productive.

    My understanding is that you killed a lot of people.
    I suppose that's true.
    Tell me how you did it.
    With style.
  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
    2015-05-13-shield-10

    There's No Romance Like A Crazy Romance

    At this point, Kara is clearly in love with Ward, because he's told her special things. Things he's never told anyone. Like how Garrett made him kill his dog. That's all it takes to get her loyalty, apparently. Weird. It probably also helps that Ward has kidnapped Morse so she can be tortured until she apologizes to Kara for letting Hydra capture her.

  • Alert!
    2015-05-13-shield-11

    The Jig Is Up

    Alert Type: It Was A Trap Alert.

    Issue: Raina has confronted Jiaying with her obvious lies and manipulation in the way she's provoking a war between the Inhumans and SHIELD.

    Complicating Factors: Jiaying is only going to put up with this sort of thing for so long, so she uses her recently-revealed gift for draining people's life force. And now Raina's dead. Bye, Raina.

    Resolution: Skye was watching the whole thing, and now she realizes that her mother is a liar and a murderer. It's always traumatic when that happens.

  • Snapshot
    2015-05-13-shield-12

    Want Some Water?

    Cal got some water. He's pretty happy about it!

  • That Quote
    "You know, you and I are a lot alike."
    - Grant Ward, who could probably benefit from someone taking a second pass on his dialogue -
  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    2015-05-13-shield-13

    Agent Bobbi Morse vs. Ex-Agent Grant Ward

    Morse is exhausted, chained to a table, and has been tortured for hours at this point. Naturally, she whops Ward all over the place. Maybe having needles shoved under your fingernails is a secret training technique. She's doing great until comes in with the gun.

    Winner: Ward, which means that Morse has failed to escape. On the bright side, Kara decides not to just shoot her, even though Morse's final statement was "I'd do it all again."

  • Symbolism
    2015-05-13-shield-14

    The Monster Inside

    The Scene: Cal has received an adrenalin shot to go with his homemade potion of gorilla testosterone and mint. This turns him into a super-strong, crazy-looking monster.

    The Symbol: The monster. The monster right there. You can't miss him. He's the one shouting, "I'm a monster!"

    The Meaning: The monster within Cal has been let loose, and it's not that different from what Cal was like before.

  • Party!
    2015-05-13-shield-15

    Ward's Surprise Party

    What's the occasion? Ward and Kara have decided to leave Morse as bait in a trap.

    What are the refreshments? A rifle pointed at the door so it will kill the first person that comes through. This seems like a tricky thing to get right. I seem to remember that Alvin Fernald had a very similar setup.

    Will there be costumes? Well, Morse has kind of a lot of blood on her. That's kind of a costume, right?

  • Character Study
    2015-05-13-shield-16

    Naked Capitalism

    Name: Multiple Girl (probably).
    Occupation: Never-before-seen Inhuman who can spawn copies of herself.
    Goal: She's taking over the SHIELD aircraft carrier singlehandedly. Well, really she has two hands per copy of herself, but you know what I mean.
    Sample Dialogue: "Now there are five of me!"
  • Plot Lightning Round

    Things Are Getting Hot

    2015-05-13-shield-17

    Cal has gone into full monster mode, in what would be a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation, if Dr. Jekyll acted just like Mr. Hyde. Really, it's just that Cal looks a little weirder than usual. After he runs around and wrecks the place, he gets trapped behind a car. This is fine, because he claimed earlier that he didn't have any feeling in his legs.

    2015-05-13-shield-18

    At this point, Coulson tries reasoning with him. His argument is that Cal's primary goal is to protect Skye, but he now needs to protect her from her mother. It turns out that the nice lady is the real monster, while the ranting guy who looks weird...well, he's also a monster. He's killed lots of people. But he's nicer than Jiaying, that's the point.

    2015-05-13-shield-19

    Meanwhile, on the Good Ship SHIELD, everyone has been taken hostage. That includes Agent Weaver and Agent Guy-With-Beard. Jiaying kills Beardy with one of her synthetic Terrigen crystals, thus establishing that she is the captain now. Luckily, Mack is sneaking around with an axe. It's like Die Hard on a boat! So Under Siege, I guess. The first thing he does is free Skye, who's got power-suppressing bracelets.

    2015-05-13-shield-20

    Skye's job is now to hack into the boat and send a secret message to Coulson, warning him that the request for help that Jiaying is sending is a trap. It's nice when the show remembers that she's a hacker.

  • Alert!
    2015-05-13-shield-21

    Double Death In Arms

    Alert Type: Parallelism Alert.

    Issue: Hunter finally opened that booby-trapped door, but Bobbi managed to throw herself in front of the bullet. Even though she was tied to a chair!

    Complicating Factors: At exactly the same time, Kara was disguised as May, and she bumped into Ward. And since nobody on television can remember to be suspicious when there's a master of disguise around, he shoots her.

    Resolution: Both women end up in the arms of both men, and it's clear that at least one woman is dying.

    2015-05-13-shield-22 2015-05-13-shield-23

    Spoiler: Bobbi's going to live, but Kara's dead. With both Raina and Kara dead, we've lost both our bad-guy women.

  • Dialogue

    A Meta Joke About Tech Jargon

    If we're ever going to get to the end of this storyline, someone's going to have to invent a way to deal with Gordon. A guy who can teleport to the other side of the planet is going to cause inconvenience. So it's a good thing that Fitz recovered not only his technical skills but also his ability to rattle off impenetrable technical jargon.

    Sir? Good news. I modified my field generators to act in unison as a quantum field disrupter.
    Great! Are you saying you found a way to shut down Gordon's teleportation ability?
    Well, now my news sounds less good.
    Oh. Sorry.
  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
    2015-05-13-shield-24

    Blinking Lights

    Hey there. You've got a pretty nice computer. But it could be nicer. How are the other people in the Starbucks supposed to know how powerful it is? You could just keep saying things like "I can't believe how many teraflops I'm getting!" and "This is a really funny piece about Agents of SHIELD" but those techniques lack subtlety. And anyway, a lot of the people around you are wearing earbuds. The obvious solution: huge banks of blinking lights. Nothing says "powerful computer" like a lot of blinking lights. Get some today! And when you have people's attention, feel free to mention that Agents of SHIELD piece you liked so much. Somebody probably stayed up pretty late writing it, what with this being a two-hour finale.

  • That Quote
    "Right now, I'm in a 'crack heads first, ask questions later' frame of mind."
    - Mack, who has about had it with all these shifting loyalties -
  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
    2015-05-13-shield-25

    Fitz And Simmons May Or May Not Have Something To Announce

    After an entire season spent avoiding the subject, Simmons finally remembers that Fitz told her he loved her. And now she wants to talk about it, although she doesn't have anything specific to say. And she's supposed to be performing surgery on Morse while Fitz goes with the team to retake the SHIELD carrier, so this is really just reminding each other that if they need screentime, they could start kissing each other.

  • Plot Lightning Round

    Attack The Carrier

    2015-05-13-shield-26

    Jiaying has decided to break some Terrigen crystals and send the smoke through the HVAC system, which will kill all the hostages. And if any of them don't die, it will be because they were secretly Inhumans all along. It's a pretty clever way of killing your enemies, even if it does conflict with Jiaying's earlier worries about how people would get angry at Skye for being transformed without going through the rigorous training regimen.

    2015-05-13-shield-27

    Coulson's Quinjet lands on the Carrier, although all the other ones have been told to stand down. Somewhere, there are a bunch of characters with no names or backstories hanging out in a bar and toasting their luck that they didn't have to come get killed.

    2015-05-13-shield-28

    Cal insists that he be allowed to deal with his wife. Everyone's basically okay with that, because it means they don't have to argue with him.

  • Dialogue

    Manly Bravado

    The end of the season is now dangerously close, and the fighting is getting serious. And the smack talk is getting even serious-er. I realize that's not grammatically correct, but I'm not the one who invented the rules of smack talk.

    It's Gordon, right?
    And you are?
    I'm the guy who kills Gordon.
  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    2015-05-13-shield-29

    Skye vs. Multiple Girl

    Skye has to fight Multiple Girl, which is challenging. It's not easy to fight five of anybody, let alone five people who might share a brain. She does pretty well at first, but pretty soon she's on the receiving end of a patented Multiple Girl Beatdown.

    Winner: Skye, because Lincoln has decided she was right about Jiaying. He zaps Multiple Girl Prime and then gets rid of Skye's power-suppression bands. May arrives, and Skye goes off to deal with Jiaying.

  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
    2015-05-13-shield-30

    The Family That...Wait, They're Not Staying Together At All

    Skye and her mother have one last scene, where Skye tries to convince her not to take a crate of Terrigen crystals and poison everybody on Earth or whatever her plan is. Jiaying doesn't go for it, and kind of overreacts.

    2015-05-13-shield-31

    Uh oh! She's draining Skye's life! That's bad news. Unless you think Skye is too boring to be the main character. But Skye manages to fight it off and send another patented VIBRO-RAY toward the Quinjet that has the crystals on it. The jet topples off the carrier deck, probably costing someone millions of dollars. Then Cal comes in to break Jiaying's back.

    2015-05-13-shield-32

    This would seem to end Skye's quest to find her parents. Any curiosity she still had about them can go unquenched.

  • That Quote
    "Science, bee-yatch!"
    - Fitz, gloating about his anti-teleport field, and also embarrassing himself and his entire family -
  • Hell Yeah!
    2015-05-13-shield-33

    Look Out!

    After yet another fight scene, Gordon got killed by teleporting onto a pipe. One vial of Terrigen crystals nearly broke, but Coulson made a great dive and saved it. Hooray!

  • Hell No!
    2015-05-13-shield-34

    Oh No!

    Unfortunately, Coulson's hand starts to turn to stone from Terrigen exposure.

  • Hell Yeah!
    2015-05-13-shield-35

    Oh...Great?

    But then Mack puts that axe he's been carrying around to good use by chopping Coulson's hand off. Certain other genre shows could take note that this is an efficient way to cure a disease where you're being taken over by stone.

  • Dialogue

    A Genuinely Sweet Moment

    Everything is basically wrapped up, but Cal and Skye get to have a moment. He's going to pay a penalty for his years of mayhem and murder, but that doesn't mean he can't talk to his daughter.

    I know I'm going away for good. But I was hoping you might come visit. Once in a while.
    I will. I promise.
    That would be...
    Let me guess. THE. Best. Day. Ever. You have a lot of those.
    No. Just one. July second, 1988.
  • Snapshot
    2015-05-13-shield-36

    Bye, Dad

    One last hug, before Cal goes to meet his fate.

  • Alert!
    2015-05-13-shield-37

    What's Next For Ward?

    Alert Type: Straight-Up Villainy Alert.

    Issue: Ward's run out of things to do or care about, since he was just piggybacking on Kara's need for vengeance and now she's dead.

    Complicating Factors: He hired a goon to track down the leaders of Hydra, but most of them are dead. This is a side effect of Avengers: Age of Ultron, not that the show mentions that. But a bunch of Hydra died in that movie.

    Resolution: Ward grabs a handful of goons and they agree that he's the new leader of Hydra. It's not clear if these goons have the authority to agree to that.

    Spoiler: Does this mean that Ward is the primary villain for Season 3? I don't think anyone's really into that. Ward has fans, but they want him to be a hero (and to kiss Skye). People who don't like Ward would be okay with him going away.

  • Awkward
    2015-05-13-shield-38

    The Pet Doctor

    Situation: Skye is visiting with a pleasant, normal veterinarian named Dr. Winslow.

    What makes it awkward? It's really her father, Cal. His mind has been wiped, so now instead of vowing vengeance, he plays with golden retrievers.

    How is order restored? He doesn't recognize Skye, so she goes on with her life. Item one is Coulson's plan for a secret SHIELD team of people with powers. Say, that does sound like fun. They could have started the series with that, but it's not terrible to have it in the third season.

  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
    2015-05-13-shield-39

    Fish Oil

    Fish oil is rich in nutrients and antioxidants. It's also delicious on toast and great for lubricating bicycle chains. And now, thanks to improperly secured crates, it's infested with Terrigen smoke, so it seems like it will be either turning people to stone or randomly spawning superpowers. Either way is fun.

  • Wrap It Up
    2015-05-13-shield-40

    So that wraps everything up for the season. May is taking some well-earned vacation time. And Fitz finally asks Simmons out on a dinner date. He wanders away to find a place.

    2015-05-13-shield-41

    And then Simmons gets subsumed by the magical stone from the cargo hold. Oops! See you next season! Maybe!

Almost all readers liked this episode
What did you think?

Discussion

Explore the Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. forum or add a comment below.