Photo: ABC

Crikey O'Reilly!

Agent Peggy Carter bursts out of the movies and onto televisions, bringing a refreshing amount of exuberance and face-punching with her.

  • Previously

    Hey, did you see Captain America: The First Avenger? It was pretty good, right? And it tragically ended with Steve "The Eponymous Captain America" Rogers crashing a fancy high-tech jet into the Arctic Ocean or something. Agent Peggy Carter was very sad when this happened, because she didn't know that he was going to be preserved in ice and come back for movies set in the 21st century. But she soldiered on. Literally. Like, as a soldier. I can keep explaining this joke, if you want. Point is, this show is set in 1946. The war is over, and women are having their jobs taken away by men returning from the front. This applies to both welders and spies, apparently, because Agent Carter has been relegated to answering phones and doing the filing. ...Okay, that's all the setup.

  • Wanted
    Screens: ABC

    Screens: ABC

    for light treason

    Name: Howard Stark

    Last Seen: In that first Captain America movie, being snarky

    Likely Punishment: Fathering Tony Stark and having to deal with that whole nightmare

    Reward: A grab bag of "bad boys," which is Stark's fun name for his secret trove of doomsday weapons

  • Place Of Interest
    2015-01-07-carter-02

    The Automat

    Before vending machines were a thing, you could go to the automat, where sandwiches waited behind teeny little doors. This incarnation of the Automat is a little off-brand, because it also has waitresses and cranky patrons. Newsflash, Mr. Cranky: when you're at a place famous for being a self-serve restaurant, it doesn't make a lot of sense to complain about the service.

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    agentcarter3

    Round 1

    There's no use trying to hide it. This is a show with a lot of punching in it. Most of that takes the form of Peggy Carter knocking out dummies. In this instance, she's knocking out Edwin Jarvis, Howard Stark's butler. He's not much of a challenge, but he serves as a good opening bout.

    Winner: Agent Carter, with the ol' one-two

  • Classifieds

    Wanted

    Does anyone have any Molecular Nitromene? My bomb recipe calls for several gallons of Molecular Nitromene, but I'm fresh out. If someone could tunnel into Howard Stark's secret sub-basement and then sell the formula to various shady characters, my terrorist plans would be saved! And also we'd have a plot for the series. No unsolicited products or offers.

  • That Quote
    "This much would level a city block. I'm not talking about the short ones. Avenues."
    - Howard Stark -
  • Fashion Show
    2015-01-07-carter-04

    Get The Look: Those Lapels

    Whether answering phones or punching out spies, the modern woman of 1946 needs to look sharp. And that sharpness comes from one place: lapels.

    Giant Lapels: The lapels anchor the whole outfit. In a pinch, they could probably be used as actual anchors.

    Pinstripes: Have you seen His Girl Friday? It's great. Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell talk a million miles a minute and say really funny things. Anyway, these pinstripes kind of remind me of what Rosalind Russell is wearing in that movie.

  • Place Of Interest
    2015-01-07-carter-05

    La Martinique

    Welcome to the classiest club in all of New York! Whether your evening plans include selling stolen weapons or dancing the night away, La Martinique is going to whisk you away to a wonderland of enchantment and bemusement. You'll rub elbows with the rich and famous, all of whom are pretty much interchangeable doughy white guys. Hey, it's 1946. That's what glamour looks like at the moment.

  • Character Study
    2015-01-07-carter-06

    Not Bubbles, Honestly

    Name: Spider Raymond.
    Age: Mid-40s.
    Occupation: Impresario.
    Goal: To run a successful club, act as a very specialized fence for terrorists, and make out with any blonde who walks in the doors. He'd also like to live until the end of the episode, but that's not happening.
    Sample Dialogue: "C'mon, whaddya got? A-bombs? Ray guns? Jane Russell's number."
  • Fashion Show
    2015-01-07-carter-07

    Get The Look: Going Blonde

    Peggy Carter doesn't win all her encounters by brute force. Oh, sure, she'll punch a guy in the face without a second thought, but some situations call for the feminine touch.

    Blonde Wig: Blondes, as you may have heard, have more fun. That's hard to test scientifically, because it's hard to put it in a laboratory setting. If you ever want to find out for yourself, blondeness is only a wig away. Unless you're already blonde, in which case you could try darkening your hair to see if you have less fun than normal.

    Va-va-va-voom: That dress! You could buy one just like it, but it seems like a lot of the effect is dependent on the, um, contents of the dress. If you know what I mean.

  • Dialogue

    Yes, Yes, Very Snappy

    Peggy was planning on getting Spider's guard down with her feminine wiles. It turns out that his guards were never really up.

    Mr. Raymond, is this a bad time?
    We'll only know after it's over.
  • That Happened
    agentcarter8

    Crikey O'Reilly!

    Crikey O'Reilly!

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    agentcarter9

    Round 2

    Mr. Anonymous Goon took an early advantage by jumping out from ambush, but it's hard to beat the star of the show when you barely exist as a character. He lasted longer than Jarvis, but that's not saying much.

    Winner: Carter, thanks to a handy stapler.

  • Alert!
    2015-01-07-carter-10

    Adieu, Colleen

    Alert Type: Roommate Drama Alert.

    Issue: Colleen has tuberculosis or something.

    Complicating Factors: She needs to spend time in bed, which makes it harder and harder for her not to notice that her roommate is really a spy, and not a mild-mannered telephone operator.

    Resolution: While Peggy's in the bathroom spritzing a bomb with some homemade anti-bomb juice, someone comes in and murders Colleen.

    Spoiler: What, Colleen getting killed wasn't enough of a spoiler? Well, now the murderer is attacking Peggy. Deal with THAT!

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    agentcarter11

    Round 3

    This is the main event, in which Carter takes on a primary baddie. Punching, kicking, and a lit stove burner all come into play. It takes a lot longer than any one GIF ought to hold, but we've set a precedent that we feel duty-bound to follow.

    Winner: Agent Carter, by defenestration. You heard me.

  • Character Study
    2015-01-07-carter-12

    The Sinister Mister Typewriter

    Name: Mister Typewriter.
    Age: Pretty old, judging by how blotchy the letters were.
    Occupation: Evil genius and part-time stenographer's assistant.
    Goal: World domination, one letter at a time.
    Sample Dialogue: "Click. Click. Click."
  • That Quote
    "I don't murder people. I just sell to people who do."
    - Leet Brannis -
  • Wrap It Up
    agentcarter13

    Agent Carter blows up the refinery, and Jarvis barely drives faster than the fireball. It's all very dramatic, although nothing really gets resolved.

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