It Only Took Four Seasons, But Someone Finally Claims To Be A Nigerian Prince On 90 Day Fiance
Narkyia and Olulowo finally appear, Alla paints the town a disappointing red, and Jorge reveals the world's most boring criminal past.
Jorge and Anfisa
Anfisa and Jorge have been living in a hotel because Jorge isn't able to rent an apartment. If he's such a marijuana entrepreneur, why can't Jorge rent an apartment? The answer is a huge, much-hyped secret that, after repeated allusions, has finally been revealed. You might want to sit down for this. It turns out, Jorge was convicted of the world's most boring felony. Before medical marijuana was legal in California, a 21-year-old Jorge was busted selling it. He copped a plea and served "a few days" in jail. Zzzzzzzzzz. Anfisa feigns shock and horror but her heart isn't in it. As long as Jorge keeps her in fur bomber jackets, Anfisa couldn't give two shits about his dumb felony.
Ultimately Jorge is able to rent a perfectly fine apartment that Anfisa finds loud but borderline acceptable. She was pretty chill about Jorge's life of crime. These crazy (literally) kids might make it work!
Narkyia and Olulowo
Narkyia doesn't want to date the guys in her area because the guys in her area are "beep beep beep." I have no idea what she said, but the guys in her "area" are bad enough that Narkyia met Olulowo on a website for plus-size women. On said site, "Lowo" claimed to be a real Nigerian prince, that he lived in Alabama, and had a son from a dead wife. Narkyia went into "Inspector Gadget mode," which doesn't make any sense because everyone knows that Inspector Gadget is an idiot. That's the whole point of the cartoon! Anyway, Lowo is not a Nigerian prince, his kid's mom is alive and well, and Lowo wasn't in Alabama but instead studying business in Vietnam. (Twist!) Studying business in Vietnam sounds a lot better than "I'm a Nigerian prince," but Lowo stuck with the royalty ruse until Narkyia called him on it. Eventually, Narkyia forgave Lowo for lying (badly). She headed to Vietnam to meet her fake prince in person and the two are now engaged. Lowo is awaiting his final visa approval while Narkyia spends most of this episode knee-deep in her family's disapproval. As the phrase "Nigerian prince" is so entwined with the phrase "obvious scam," I have little hope for this couple's longterm success, especially as we leave this episode with Lowo unable to return a simple phone call. But Narkyia is likable and has surrounded herself with sane people. She and Lowo might have a shot.
Nicole and Azan
No one puts Baby Nicole in a corner! Azan is supposed to show Nicole around his hometown but there's been a big morning fight before the camera crew arrives. You know it's high reality-show drama when the producers can be seen and heard on camera. Apparently, no matter what his customs dictate, Nicole can't seem to keep her hands off of Azan. Over and over, Azan has explained this boundary. Over and over, Nicole has crossed that boundary. Her main concern is Azan's unwillingness to "show [her] off." Is "showing off" one's partner a specific activity? Throughout the whole embarrassing fight, Nicole and Azan both seem way too young to date with a chaperone, much less get married to each other forever and ever. And Nicole already has a kid! Maybe that's why she's so good at throwing a tantrum, storming off, and sulking on the ground. I predict Azan might go so far as to pull the plug before he and Nicole make things legal. But things change fast with these two, who've just met, had sex, and are now sleeping separately. Unrelated: Can we just acknowledge that Azan's family home has some legit wall glamour? The blue and white tiling along the stairway is is unworthy of Nicole's denim capris.
Chantel and Pedro
All that happens with Chantel and Pedro in this week's episode is a meeting with a disinterested pastor who thinks Chantel should tell her folks the real reason Pedro is in the United States. This concept concerns Chantel because revealing that she's been lying to her parents on national television is less than ideal. Pedro remains confused by all that surrounds him.
Matt and Alla
Alla just can't catch a break with Matt's friends. If you'll recall, Matt's friend Patrick is highly skeptical of Matt's ability to maintain a relationship and naturally blames any woman for coming near his best bud. Nonetheless, Patrick allows his girlfriend Julie to invite Alla for a night on the town, drinking pink champagne in what appears to be an empty, fluorescent coffee shop. Suddenly wishing his fiancée was ugly, Matt is highly concerned that Alla will garner "attention" while she's out and about. "She's done a good job of making sure people are going to notice her," said Matt to the camera while silently planning how he might build a human cage. Instead of male attention, Alla must suffer through Julie's passive-aggressive version of Patrick's concerns. Alla is too fabulous for any of these people (other than Mery Ann). I'm starting to worry that Matt will ultimately kowtow to his stupid squad of former high school AV-club presidents and begrudgingly break up with this sweet Ukrainian. Alla and her son Max deserve (and could probably find) a confident, capable man who would appreciate them both for the interesting, exciting people they are. Matt's massive insecurity will be his undoing.