'I'm Marrying A Weird Guy,' Says Resigned 90 Day Fiancé
The couples continue to settle in, with mixed results. Who fared the best and worst this week?
- Kyle and Noon
Kyle is bringing Noon to a Thai Buddhist temple in New Orleans to make her feel more at home. She likes the temple but it makes her miss her family, who won't be able to attend the wedding. Family's important to Noon, and she really wants to meet Kyle's parents, finally. Kyle, though, remains exceedingly cagey about his relationship with his parents, saying that he hasn't spoken to his mom in ten years and his dad in six. When Noon asks about the lack of contact, he explains that he used to be close with his mom but then she "changed." Please, be more vague about this, Kyle.
- Loren and Alexei
Loren's still pushing the modeling thing on Alexei, who is still not into it. "You just need to want it," says Loren. "And I don't," snaps Alexei. "But why?" whines Loren. She keeps trying to convince Alexei that he'll actually LOVE modeling if she forces him to do it enough. Finally, Alexei reminds her that he sacrificed a lot to come to the U.S. and asks her not to push him into something he doesn't want to do. Loren is finally forced to admit defeat. ...FOR NOW.
- Devar and Melanie
Melanie is trying on wedding dresses! This is definitely what she should be focusing on instead of the huge, alarming red flags in her disaster of a relationship with Devar. Full-steam ahead, Melanie, you moron!
- Aleksandra and Josh
Josh and Aleksandra are getting married in a week and her parents are coming to Rexburg for the occasion! When Aleksandra's parents, Vlad and Svetlana (OF COURSE THOSE ARE THEIR NAMES; WHAT ELSE COULD THEIR NAMES POSSIBLY BE), touch down in the U.S., they're thrilled to see their daughter, but they're a little wary about this whole conversion-to-Mormonism thing. Aleksandra's hoping that Josh's warm, welcoming family will convince her parents that Mormonism's on the up-and-up! I'm sure Dirk's icy glare wins enthusiastic converts to the church all the time!
After a long drive to Josh's family compound from the airport, the families finally meet face-to-face...and promptly lapse into strained silence. Aleksandra's parents don't speak English and Josh's parents don't speak Russian, so it's up to Aleksandra to translate. Josh's mom asks if Vlad and Svetlana had ever heard of Mormonism before Josh came onto the scene. They hadn't, but Svetlana did some internet research and learned about polygamy. "It was a different time," replies Josh's mom, flatly. Dirk adds, somewhat petulantly, that polygamy is no longer a thing in the Mormon church because "we stopped doing it" when the government passed a law against it. Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm convinced!
- Carolina and Fernando
Carolina has finally been approved for her visa, and will soon be arriving in Miami. Hooray! Fernando's mom, however, is NOT excited for Carolina's arrival, probably because Fernando keeps telling her wacky things about Carolina, like how Carolina "doesn't like flowers" and doesn't know how to eat at a table with placemats. Also, Fernando's mom is kiiiind of a monster. More on that in a second.
Carolina shows up in Miami and she and Fernando make out in the terminal: gross! When they arrive at Fernando's home, Carolina receives a less-than-enthusiastic hug and cheek peck from Fernando's mother. When she's introduced to Fernando's father, Carolina says, "Mucho gusto," and Fernando's mother snaps, "In English." Fernando's mom then sets into interrogating Carolina about her trip and making bitchy side comments. (For example, there was this fun exchange: "So, little Fernandito told me you like cats." "I love cats." "I don't like cats.") Dinner is a silent, frowny affair, punctuated by nasty comments from Fernando's mother. She doesn't like people from Colombia, she tells Carolina, because they're all cocaine addicts. She also predicts that Carolina is going to get fat in America. Part of me wonders if Fernando's mom is executing a brilliant act of performance art or if she's actually this awful, but either way, I LOVE IT.
- Nikki and Mark
Nikki, an actual teenager, has to decide whether or not she wants kids, like, now! If she thinks she might ever want a child in the future, Mark's shipping her back to the Philippines! No presh, Nikki! Craving some "space" from Mark, she calls up the only other human being in the state of Maryland with whom she's acquainted, Mark's daughter Elise. After some awkward staring at each other, Elise suggests they go shopping, and takes Nikki to a "funky" shop where Nikki picks out a gross, white crocheted dress. Elise tells her it would be good for a "beach wedding." (Yes, if you want your nipples showing at your wedding, it'll definitely be PERFECT.) The nosy shop lady asks Nikki about her upcoming nuptials, and Nikki replies that she's marrying "a weird guy," and giggles. Elise acknowledges that this is, in fact, true.
Eesh. Later, they discuss the whole baby issue, and Elise, rather than vomiting into Nikki's lap and then running into traffic like a normal person would do, suggests that Nikki and Mark need to develop their relationship before they have a baby. Uh, DUH.
In an effort to solve all of their deeply rooted relationship issues, Mark is taking Nikki on a romantic getaway to Ocean City! As they drive there, Nikki asks what Ocean City is like. Mark responds that he and his ex-wife used to go there all the time, and Nikki glares at him. Then, apropos of nothing, Mark brings up the fact that one time, when he was in Hawaii, he met a "beautiful Hawaiian woman," and "rode the wave, which was fun." Blarrrrffff. Mark then admonishes Nikki for not smiling more. Forget about smiling; he should be thankful she hasn't ejected herself from their moving vehicle yet. They arrive at the beach and Nikki doesn't approve; it's too crowded! She pouts the whole day while Mark nags at her to get in the water. Fun. Mark was hoping this Ocean City trip would be a "fresh start" and is disappointed that Nikki still seems unhappy. Weird, right??