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Anfisa Kicks Jorge Out For Reasons No One Can Remember On 90 Day Fiance

Jorge sleeps in the garage, Matt avoids a stripper, and Lowo decorates his love palace; Beth Spotswood ranks the couples' prospects.

  1. Nicole and Azan
    It's Nicole's last day in Morocco and her repeated fights with Azan have left the young single mom nervous to part ways with her fiancé. The cultural strain has been especially tough on the very handsy Nicole, who hates that she can't display her affection for Azan in his home country. For his part, Azan is kinda ready for a break. Still, I've bumped this couple up to Number 1 on this week's ranking of 90DF couples' chances of marital success because of what seems to be their very sincere and organic love for one another. Are they too young to get married? Probably. Will Nicole and Azan encounter some cultural speed bumps in America? For sure. Do they genuinely like one another? I think so. Nicole was hoping Azan would shed some tears as he bid her adieu in the Marrakech airport but that's not how Azan rolls. If he can't kiss his fiancé in public, Azan is not going to sob hysterically because she's getting on a plane. C'mon, Nicole. Get serious.
  2. Matt and Alla
    Could Matt possibly have shittier friends? No, he could not. Perhaps the reason Matt feels the need to keep marrying any woman that will be nice to him is because none of his friends will give him the time of day. Even his identical twin brother treats Matt like an '80s-movie high-school bully treats a four-eyed weakling. On this week's episode, Matt's friends force him to attend the world's dumbest bachelor party held entirely on a short bus. While Matt has repeatedly stated that he has no interest in hiring a stripper, his friends happily and defiantly do so anyway. The result is an awkward and cruel example of what happens when unattractive, middle-American white men in Ken Bone outfits get $100 in single bills. Matt storms off the bus, which is where he should stay if he intends to keep Alla around.
  3. Narkyia and Olulowo
    Well, well, well. Guess who made it on television this week. Due to some complex issues no one will ever understand because they are probably based on lies, Lowo must travel from Nigeria to Vietnam so that he may one day move to America. Narkyia isn't buying this baloney so she hops a plane for Hanoi to check this nonsense out for herself. It always impresses me that the folks on this show seem to zip around the world like cast members on The Amazing Race -- and they do it all for love. While Narkyia is suffering through her 564-hour flight, Lowo is running around to Vietnamese Kinko'ses picking up 8x10" color glossies of Narkyia's selfies which he then tapes to the wall of his room at the five-star Apricot Hotel. Lowo also arranges for a variety of tightly-packed floral bouquets and a collection of cupcakes on porcelain plates, all in preparation for Narkyia's arrival. Here's a question: how is Lowo affording all of this? I looked it up and the Apricot Hotel in Hanoi is a very fancy and well-regarded establishment -- particularly for someone without a cell phone.

    Throughout this episode, Lowo does a horrible job of convincing us that he's not catfishing Narkyia by discussing the declining economy of Nigeria and admitting that their entire relationship has been based on nothing but lies. Lowo is still insisting he's a Nigerian prince, though. He certainly vacations like one!

  4. Chantel and Pedro
    If I ever said anything nice about Chantel's family, I take it back. Following River's dramatic declaration that he's forever traumatized because his sister kinda lied about her boyfriend, Chantel must now apologize in person to her parents. She drags Pedro along for this because she might need his hot body to throw under a bus. Sadly Mother Chantel showed up without her Indiana Jones hat, but instead came prepared with a bizarre demand. Chantel's folks think she needs to have Pedro sign a prenuptial agreement. Is Chantel independently wealthy? Her bed is placed within six inches of her front door. That is not the move of a 25-year old millionaire but I could be wrong. Unless Chantel herself has some serious dough or some legitimate assets, there is no reason for a prenup. Christ, these two can't afford to hire an attorney to draft one up! It's odd that Parents Chantel don't understand that all marriages come with a prenuptial agreement built into the state's law which clearly determines a basic division of assets. The only reason I can imagine a formal prenup might be appropriate is if Chantel plans on taking over her parents' family business, whatever that might be. Legally, one could argue they'd want to protect a shared family asset. Anyway, it's a dumb thing to demand for two unemployed love birds.

    Finally grasping what is going on around him, Pedro gets pissed.

  5. Jorge and Anfisa
    Off-camera, Jorge and Anfisa find themselves in a massive fight over something that no one remembers. The 90DF producers couldn't even get ahold of America's favorite couple until Anfisa finally revealed that she's kicked Jorge out of the apartment he pays for. Can't you just picture Anfisa seeing that the producers of a show she's contractually obligated to appear on keep calling her? She probably let it ring and ring until finally answering in her sleepy Russian accent, "What you want?"

    Neither Anfisa nor Jorge claims to have any recollection of the cause of the disagreement. Sure. Totally believable. I fight with my fiancé over dumb stuff from time to time. After it's resolved, the whole thing seems pretty stupid but you can bet your life I'll still recall what HE DID to start it.

    Jorge ended up spending the night in his car in the apartment's garage. Anfisa is unimpressed because Jorge did not return the next day with a cute small gift like Michael Kors in person or a Birkin bag made out of unicorn hide. Jorge attempts to hug her like a rarely visited grandparent hugs an annoyed teenager but Anfisa once again threatens to return to Russia. She's doubled down and packed her bags this time. In one last display of her insane bluff, Anfisa says she will allow Jorge to drive her to the airport. OMG she is the worst. These two need to be legally separated by armed guards and/or Jorge's sister.

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