90 Day Fiance Debuts The World's Most Unnecessary $45,000 Wedding Gown

Anfisa tries on a mid-priced Lexus, Father Chantel struggles to communicate, and the cats of Morocco witness a lovers' quarrel.

  1. Matt and Alla
    It's important when shopping for wedding bands that one reveals the most personal details of one's past to Middle America's most judgmental jeweler. Naturally this was the course of action for Matt and Alla. I'm still really rooting for this couple. They seem mature and sincere. Alla deserves happiness. Matt deserves happiness. I hope they might find said happiness together, don't you?
  2. Nicole and Azan
    Nicole and Azan's ongoing hand-holding fight that began last week kicks off this week's episode. Hold my hand! No! Show me off! No! Deny your culture! No!

    It doesn't go well. So Nicole storms off through a herd of Moroccan street cats and into Azan's family home where his mother calmly and kindly handles the situation. It's nice to see another cool mom on this season's 90DF. In fact, Azan's whole family helped the couple work through their fight in a way American families never would. Hey Nicole, maybe there are parts of Azan's culture that are worthy of our respect.

    Now that everyone's getting along, Azan decides Nicole is ready for an overnight camping trip in the desert. So this is going to work out really well for sure. What could go wrong?! Actually, nothing goes wrong. Nicole dons a turban and climbs aboard a camel for a sunset ride to a rad tent in the desert, a la every Real Housewives vacation ever. Let's all admit that we're jealous of this portion of Nicole's romantic vacation. Plus, Azan packs a beautiful diamond ring with which he plans to surprise Nicole.

    According to next week's preview, though, the desert destination turns into disaster. Don't act like you're not excited.

  3. Chantel and Pedro
    Pedro heads to a workout with "Father Chantel," who, if I may say so, it not unattractive. Am I alone here? Is Father Chantel oddly adorable? Am I being gross? I'll move on. So Pedro and Father Chantel hit the gym and naturally, Father Chantel has some pretty direct questions about Pedro's intentions. Father Chantel gets straight to the point -- does Pedro want to marry Chantel. For once, Pedro understands English but rather brilliantly plays dumb. No understand? Please. Tu comprendes. Chantel has Pedro lying in a language he barely speaks while she tries on A-line wedding dresses. Plus she's lying to her entire family on national television and her cutie-pie dad is going to feel like an idiot when he finds out what was up the whole time.

    Chantel's friend Gege suggests that Chantel come clean ASAP, which results in Chantel having a total meltdown because she has no money, no rings, and no one will ever come to her wedding in (gasp) a park.

  4. Narkyia and Olulowo
    Lowo finally answered "his" "phone" and informed Narkyia that his Visa would be approved in 5-10 business days if she would simply deposit $50,000 US dollars into the bank account of dear friend Dr. Langdon Banglethorpe in the National Bank of Atlantis. Also, he's lost his phone. Right now, the probability of Lowo actually ever touching down on American soil is about 20%. Still, I'll rate this couple's chances for success better than Anfisa's chance for ever being satisfied with anyone at all.
  5. Jorge and Anfisa
    Brace yourself. This week, Anfisa tries on a $45,000 wedding dress. I repeat, Anfisa tries on a $45,000 wedding dress. The only reason she even knows such a dress exists is because Anfisa asks the bridal sales lady for the most expensive dress, and naturally Anfisa wants whatever dress that might be. FORTY-FIVE GRAND, you guys. First of all, why is Jorge coming to see her try on dresses in the first place. That's just bad luck for this already doomed couple. Second of all, none of their family is going to come to their stupid, tacky wedding so why should Anfisa wear a $45,000 dress to a private ceremony exclusively attended by marijuana dispensary employees. Finally, Anfisa now claims she wants to go back to Russia because Jorge is balking at the cost of the hideous, gauche, cheap-looking dress. Good, Anfisa. Go back to Russia. Find an oligarch who will buy you $45,000 lace monstrosities, off-season Chanel bags, unlicensed lip injections -- and let Jorge get on with his life. I'd previously assumed much of Anfisa's gold-digging routine was a tongue-in-cheek act for the cameras, but this dress business has gone too far. Billionaires wouldn't spend forty-five grand on a wedding dress even if it was beautiful, which this one is not. You don't stay rich buying dumb shit like a $45,000 wedding dress. What was once entertaining is now simply offensive.
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